Sometimes life just sucks...

You know... sometimes life just sucks. I just don't get it. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Caiden just turned 4 years old on Wednesday, and he could be facing losing his other eye from cancer and from all the treatments it has received. His right eye is ultimately shutting down and dying. Even if his eye was cancer free, the eye is so worn out from treatments, that it can't recover anymore and is deteriorating. I could see the cells on the exterior part of his eye sloughing off when I went to see him today. It's makes me sick emotionally. He can hardly see anymore, but he's still as happy as can be. Yeah, he gets frustrated b/c he can't see well enough to do things he used to be able to do, but he's SO loving, so happy. We snuggled together today. He's the cutest boy friend I have ever had - wait, besides his brother, Bretten (5 y/o), he's the only boyfriend I've ever had ;) Every time I see him, he's so happy to be with me. I love his curly, vibrant red hair. His spunky personality. His love. His spontaneity. He's a cool kid. No, we aren't going to lose him, but he is losing his sight. Fortunately, he's young and will be able to make up for it in other ways. But the question remains... why? Why does this have to happen to a 4 y/o? Why do I have to watch two of my best friends struggle thru this as it weighs heavily on their hearts and minds?

The only hope is a cosmic sized miracle. The doctor is also heartbroken. He doesn't want to remove the eye either, but at this point, unless God intervenes and fully restores this eye, it could be removed on Sept. 24th. Please pray. I know God can fully restore Caiden's eyes. It's possible, but honestly I have a lack of faith in this area. I just don't see it happening. I know God is fully capable of restoring both of Caiden's eyes, so why He doesn't, I don't know. And I just don't see it happening. We just don't see miracles like that in this day in age. I believe it's fully possible, but I just don't see it happening... Am I that weak in the faith? No, b/c I know I'm not the only one who "doubts" it happening. The doctor, who is also a believer, said it would be a complete miracle if the eye was fully restored b/c nothing can be done medically to "fix" the eye. The damage has been done. He believes God can intervene as well and fully heal Caiden, but most of us are struggling with believing that it will happen.

Yes, I'm struggling personally as I know God can heal Caiden's eyes perfectly. I know He will one day when we all get to Heaven, but I don't see it happening on earth. You know, it's a real challenge spiritually when you know God can heal but chooses not too. I honestly don't hardly even know how to pray in this situation. I don't know what to pray for. I'm really struggling as I don't want to doubt but at the same time I want to live in reality and prepare my heart for what could most likely happen...

Please pray for Caiden. Pray for his parents. Pray for their extended family. Pray for their friends. Pray for me too. Pray for us as we live thru this and try to understand what is happening. I fully intend to be with them on September 24th (the date of his next eye exam) to fully support them whatever the outcome. That day could be either ecstatic (when God performs a miracle) or it could be devastating... Prayer works. I've seen it first hand. It works. Either way, I will never stop praising the Name of God. He is worthy of all praise as He never ceases to amaze me even when I don't fully understand His will as I know He will reveal it to me some day.

God is good... all the time.

Hangin' w/ Rush of Fools & Brandon Heath

Wes Willis (Rush of Fools) & Amanda

WCSG's Summer Sticker Celebration took place last night in spite of a couple rain showers. We ended up starting about an hour early to avoid some of the rain and Brandon Heath was only able squeeze about 5 songs in before he was down-poured on. Then we took a break till 7p, gave away the big prizes and then Rush of Fools hit up the stage where they were able to do their entire set. They were great! That was my first time ever seeing them in concert as I had met 2 of them at the station earlier this year... Wes and Kevin.

I worked this concert. I love working concerts. Always a good time. Got to hang out w/ Brandon Heath as well as Wes and Kevin from Rush of Fools. Also got to meet the rest of the band - great group of guys for sure.

When I arrived at the venue - nice and early - to set up the merch table, JB arrived with the band at the exact time that I did. Interesting timing. So I hopped out of my car and slowly made my over to them to see what the plan was. As soon as Wes saw me, he said, "Amanda!" and gave me a big ol' hug :) I was then able to meet Jake as well as Brandon Heath. Then we found out we were at the back of the diamond and we had to drive to the front (the venue was a minor league baseball field - the stage being the top of the home team's dugout). So we made our way over there and Marissa had the other half of the band. I met JD and Jamie, and then Kevin came out and as soon as he saw me, he said, "Hey! How's it going?" and gave me a big 'ol hug too :) I must say they have very good memories. I didn't even have to say anything... they remembered me. Honestly tho... I've actually been able to stay in touch with Wes since we met last, so it was great to be able to see them again as well as see them perform. They were awesome. Great guys, great band... so worth checking out: www.rushoffools.com

So after meeting them, we unloaded all their gear for set up and brought it down to the stage for sound checks, etc... I then proceeded to set up Brandon Heath's merch. He came up to me and we just hung out and talked for a little while as I set up his table... JB, Brandon and me. Brandon gave JB some interesting show prep... I said to Brandon, "You really don't want to tell him that as it'll definitely be on WaYfm tomorrow." :) We found out that one of Brandon's first jobs was working in the lady's shoe department. Too funny :) He's also worked at Starbucks, and also what we determined to be an apprenticeship (vs. being an indentured servant as JB was trying to call him) at a radio station or recording studio to learn the ropes prior to launching his own career. He's a pretty cool guy. Fun to talk with.

Then the concert got going and I was in charge of collecting all the tickets after the WCSG staff passed out the other half to listeners as they came in the door. The tix were for the big prizes being given away that night. (It was a free concert if you had a WCSG window/bumper sticker on your car.) I also answered the same question over and over again as the poor listeners were so confused about how to "register" for the prizes even tho they really didn't need to as they had a ticket... Good times :) I always enjoy working with the WCSG team as well as the listeners as we have great ones!

Then after the show, I helped pack up the sound equipment and load up the guys' gear and guitars. Good times. Then as they all left, I received hugs from Jamie, JD and Jake, then a BIG hug from Wes and a really big hug from Kevin :D Good times. Great guys. Check 'em out... www.rushoffools.com

Wait.

One word God continues to place in my mind...

Many people ask me or wonder to themselves why I don't have a guy in my life. At 24, they are baffled that I have never dated, that I have not even gone out on one date. I hear it time and time again... "You are a beautiful girl. You are fun. You are a great person. You're heart is shining for Him. I just can't believe you don't have the boys chasing you!" (Thank you for the compliments as I definitely take them to heart.) You know, I don't know why either. I have done a lot of praying and thinking about it. I have been trying to seek His will, not mine. And after all that seeking and praying and yet still trying to do my own will rather than His, I hear Him quietly telling me to wait. That is one word I have heard from Him over and over and over and OVER again... Wait.

WAIT?? I'm tired of waiting!! Where is he? Who is he? What's his name? What does he look like? What color are his eyes? What does he enjoy doing? Is he outgoing? Does he like to travel? Does he like kids? Does he like music? Does he have a huge passion for You? Is he a leader? Does he have a servant's heart? Will he be able to keep up with me? Is he thinking about me as I think about him? Is he wondering about me too?

Just wait. I'm preparing him for you and you for him. Wait. Wait for Me. My timing. Don't rush. Don't worry. Don't force things that aren't meant to be. Don't try to do it your way. Wait for Me. My timing. I have a plan for you. This plan will blow you away and that's why I can only show it to you as you live it :) All I can tell you is that this plan FIRST entails using your season of singleness. I can use you in ways that I could not otherwise! You are free. You are free to be all you can be for ME! Relish it. Enjoy it. Love it. Live in My light as I use you to set the world on fire...

As I come to accept this, a real peace and joy fills my heart. God wants to use ME to change the world. To make a difference for HIM. To love on those around me ~ my family, my friends, my coworkers, my patients and their families, my acquaintances, those whom I touch on a mission trip, those that read my blog, those I may see for a moment and then they are gone... God is choosing ME to leave a lasting impact in this world for ETERNITY.

I love that! GOD's plan is so much more exciting than I could ever imagine! Living life on the edge. Living life to the FULLEST. Living life for Christ. Living FREE!

God is good. He never ceases to amaze me as He continues to teach me to just breathe and let life happen...

Set the World on Fire (Britt Nicole)

My ultimate dream... To set the world on fire.


(Sadly, these pics did not import clearly into this program as they are crystal clear otherwise.)

Shooting Stars, Cops, Sleeping, Milky Way

Last night was so much fun! We met at my friend Erin's place, then headed over as a group to a park out away from the city to watch the meteor shower. We were there from about 10p till 12:30a. We saw a star shoot by almost as soon as we got there. It was phenomenal. I have never seen anything like that before! There was one that shot past right in front of us! It was SO bright that it looked like burning magnesium - remember in chemistry lab? Yeah, almost that bright. Also reminded me of a firework or firecracker shooting up into the sky... only this was across the sky. It was amazing. There were many others last night too. Some bright, some dim. We'd be looking around into the gallaxy, then all of a sudden out of the corner of our eyes, we'd see one shoot by. Peak time for us was about 10p-12:15a. It was awesome.

Where we went to watch was at a park that closes at dusk, so Erin said to keep it down so the cops wouldn't get called on us for being there. As we are laying there talking and having a good time w/ each other and watching GOD's phenomenal creation, cars were coming and going from the park... then 30 minutes after being there, two cop cars rolled in. My heart sank. Great, they are going to kick us out and we won't get to see anything more... Both cops got out and said, "Hey, have you seen anything yet?" Yes!! We replied, "Oh yeah, lots! It's really cool!" The one cop said, "Shut your lights off so they can see." Phew. We can relax and enjoy the show. Those cops were great! They were so nice to us last night and eventually left after about 5-10 minutes to leave us to our fun :D


Then at about 11:30p, our group left b/c they had to get up early. Beth and I had driven separately and decided to stay longer. Just the two of us. Good bonding time. It was so worth staying another hour as we saw several more shooting stars. ...some of which that were really bright! Eventually, we both fell asleep. Sleeping under the stars... Good times. What a site it is to wake up under a canopy of stars. Under the Milky Way.

Living life to the fullest! ...as God never ceases to amaze me...

Thank you, God. What an amazing show you blessed us with!

I luv my friends

My friends rock! Amanda just hung out w/ me yesterday and this AM. We did SO much! We painted 2 of my walls in my living room - green :D. Then George gave us a call and we hung out w/ him for the evening. We went to a poetry club, then hung out w/ him and his friend, Gerritt, at Gerritt's place. That guy has a gorgeous house! Very impressed. His car was sweet too. When I asked them what his car looked like so I knew who to look for to follow him to his place, George said, "You'll know his car. It's an old beater." So considering the part of town we were in, I believed him. It was dark out. So when this gorgeous pimp-mobile rolled out, I was like, "Amanda, is that them?!" Yeah, it was. Wow. I was in shock. That is a nice car!! Then we started rolling thru his neighborhood. Wow. Higher end of town for sure. Too fun. He even gave us the grand tour to his house. Very nice. He had THE coolest microwave. It could make anything! All you had to do was tell it what you wanted, and it cooked it to the tee. I want that when I replace my kitchen!! There was even a kids menu. So if I'm making hot dogs, it asked how many... Or had an option for 5" pizza (kids size). There was also options for "adult" sized pizzas. You could make fancier stuff than that too including meat. That was sweet. I think I was more entertained by that than anything else in the house! Once they managed to pull me and Amanda away from the microwave ;), we watched THE original Batman movie. That was too funny. 'Sea is for catwoman!" Yeah, George was so baffled by that. I have to agree, it was so random as to how they got that clue... It was funny making fun of the movie and watching everyone react to the it. Good times.


We ended up leaving for home at 12:30a and finally hit the sack at 1:30a... then got up at 6:30a to head down to the "southern" WaYfm studio to hang out w/ Rich and Rick (unbeknownst to them, mind you ;) ). We brought them muffins and some Ting :D Amanda heard them talk about muffins yesterday morning and wanted one so bad, so we bought a bunch. Grabbed those and some Ting and cruised down to the WaYfm studio at 7:10 in the morning. It's been about 4-5 months since I've been there for Sharathon. I luv that town and miss it. That studio and station is awesome too. They have a great view and it's SO nice over there. It was great to go back and relive some memories. Anyway... we show up at the doorstep of WaYfm to find the doors locked. Amanda called Rich in the studio on her cell and tells him we brought him some Ting and muffins :) He didn't believe her at first. He's like, "Where are you?" 'Check your door! We're at your door.' Out he came and was floored to see us at the WaYfm doorstep. We walked in the studio and w/in 5 minutes we were on the air! Good times! I luv being on the air. We got to be on for a couple breaks. We were even the center of an entire break as they grilled us on what we would like to have guys do when they are around us... 'Open the door?' 'Stand when you enter a room?' 'Ask your dad for permission to marry you?' 'Write you handwritten notes?' 'Say the blessing for the meal?' We each got to answer these the questions. That was very fun. Maybe we made a little difference in the "advice" we gave to guys when they are around us girls. Then we chilled out w/ Rich after the show, got a free CD, gave Amanda tour of the studio and station, then headed home to re-inflate her tire so she could go work for her dad!

Good times. Need to do this again!! :D

Riding In Style... In An Ambulance

Just when I think my life isn't exciting enough and thinking, "Man, I just don't have anyting to blog about", God decided to send another adrenaline-rushing experience into my life. I seriously was feeling bored last night around 9:30p while chilling out online wondering where everyone was to chat with online... Next thing I know, my sister runs up to my door and says, "Amanda, Mom says to come with us. We are taking Grandma in. She's having chest pain and shortness of breath." Well, if that doesn't get the adrenaline going! That is by and large my FAVORITE drug. In fact, it keeps me up at night sometimes :) So I jump in the van and head off with my mom and sister, and the first question I ask my mom, "Did you or anyone call 911?" "No." "Why?" "I don't know, she just always call us first. Should we?" We are already going down the street and none of us carry a cellphone. "Well", I ask, "Did she sound out of breath? Could she talk? Could she talk in full sentences? Did she sound weak?" No, to all of the above. I decided we should have some time especially if she can get to the phone. If it gets bad enough, hopefully she'll make the necessary call in the 20 minutes it takes for us to get to her. I ask my sister, Amy, "You know CPR right? I don't want to do it alone if it comes to that." "Yeah, I do." "Good." Adrenaline is in full rush... We arrive and the fire truck is there. Thank goodness, someone called 911. My great aunt and uncle were there as well. We walk in and Grandma is sitting in a chair with a fireman taking her vitals. Heart rate was elevated and "fluttering" as she has A. Fib. Pain was minimal. As soon as she saw me walk in, she says to the firemen, there's the nurse! :) Eventually, the paramedics arrive, the older one asks her... "What happened? Was someone chasing you in your sleep? Was he good looking? This is your time to make a good story!" We all start laughing as she's clearly doing okay with minimal pain. The younger paramedic starts talking to her and checking her out. Then they lifted her to the stretcher and said they had room in the ambulance for one person to ride up front. Everyone looked to me and said, "You wanna?" Heck yeah, I do! So I hopped up front, then the older paramedic said they'd be a few minutes and allowed me to sit in the back while they hook her up to a monitor for vitals, take her bp and start an IV. That was pretty cool. I have never been in the back of an ambulance before while they are working. Then the older paramedic and I moved up front while the younger one remained with my grandma. That was really cool as we drove off in style ;). No, the lights stayed off as it wasn't Priority 1 - which means a matter of life and death. We were Priority 2. I must say, I have a deeper respect for firemen and paramedics. Loved interacting with those guys. This ride was a first for me! (For those that are wondering, my grandma is now home and is back to her baseline which still isn't stellar...)

If that's not exciting enough, tomorrow Nancy, my friend and mentor at work in the NICU, and I are making a big presentation about a very sensitive subject in front of approximately 40 people, including the President of the Children's Hospital. To say the least, I'm very nervous as I designed the powerpoint. Nancy researched the content and gave it to me to put up in powerpoint format. That was the first powerpoint I have ever made. I already received two phone calls from my manager saying it looks "beautiful". For my manager to call me at home about it, is huge! This is all God-driven. We would gladly appreciate your prayers for sure... for all to go smoothly and that it will be well received. This powerpoint has the potential to go many places and to be used in various areas in the medical field including Grand Valley State's Nursing program, the Peds ICU and other areas in the hospital. I am floored as God never ceases to amaze me.

Bareback Riding... Photoshoot

A dream come true? Maybe soon. Yesterday my "sister", Beth, and I went bareback riding on the property of my friend (and mentor). She and her husband own nine acres of land. They have two horses, one of which is currently being boarded till she's ready for him live on their horse farm.

Beth and I rode Dante' bareback and loved it!! Dante` is a very gentle, loving horse. She and I are telling you we went bareback riding, but it was so much more... View all pics at my flickr site... My Flickr Site Pics

Here is a preview of what you'll find...