Lovin' Nashville, lovin' Vanderbilt, gettin' overwhelmed with school, gettin' stressed out with school... I know it's what I want to do, but there is so much to do between here and there. 11 months. That's all it is. Truly 11 months and one more board exam. The professors are great. They're fun and understanding yet still demand excellence. I would recommend this school to anyone. Joined a new team... My class of 30ish all studying to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. We're all in it together. The ups, the downs, the tears, the pulling out the hair wondering how it'll all get done. We'll get through it together. We are from all over the east side of the States. Mainly South, but a few stragglers from the north - yes, I'm one of the stragglers ;) I'm the furthest one from the north with the next being Illinois. The rest are from Tennessee, Missouri, Kentucky, Louisiana - who's family is being evacuated right now d/t the hurricane :( - , North Carolina, Florida, Georgia & Texas. Great group of people. I'm lovin' the southern hospitality for sure!! People down here are so much nicer than people in the north. Why is that?
In spite of their niceness, they still deal with the issues we do... I see the homeless people walking down the streets of Nashville. The drunk man who serenaded me last night while I was trying to study... The Vanderbilt professor who was killed within the last week in the east side of Nashville along with his sister... Shot point blank. And I happen to be staying on that end of town. I saw he TV helicopter circling around about 5-7 miles just south of me. Now that was scary. These issues don't disappear when you go to another town that you may think to be more fun than your own. When I was here back in April, the homeless were roaming the streets. They seemed to know "the Christians" were around b/c of the Gospel Music Association conference that was going on at the time of which I attended... They were closer to the Renaissance where we stayed - more so than what seemed normal. How many of us Christians walk by them everyday? How many times do we drive by them? Being a single girl by myself in Nashville right now, it's difficult to know how to help them. I couldn't do much for the drunk man last night b/c first, he wouldn't remember me anyway. Second, b/c I'm female and it's not exactly safe to do so. So what do we do? How do we be Jesus to these people? If I had an answer, I would surely give it to you, but I don't. Do you?
On the flip side, this town is SO much fun! Yes, those of you who have been to Nashville know there is so much more to do here than in Grand Rapids. The town, the sites, the people, the football games - both the Titans and college ball. The shows in the bars every night. The shows being put on in clubs all over the place. The shows at the auditoriums. TobyMac coming to town in December :) It's very hard to get bored here.
So are you starting to think I'm just partying over here? HA! Not so fast. I'm studying my behind off. Delving head first into anything and everything neonatal! So interesting, yet so overwhelming to cram it all into 11 months. I haven't been back to school for three years! I love this field of study though. It's detailed and I HAVE to be on top of my game at all times... for the littlest of patients are in my palms of my hands... as I think back to the one pound three ounce baby I admitted to the NICU just three weeks ago...
All credit is turned back to God. I take none for it. He alone has full control of ALL. He is the reason I why I make it through each and everyday!
All right, back to the books. Headed to downtown Nashville to study. Much more fun over there! Hope I can find a parking spot ;)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Have you ever cried so hard that it hurt?
Last night after I got home from a show, I broke down and cried so hard to the point of my head hurting. I was crying from the depths of my heart. It hurt so bad. I have not cried like that in so long. I honestly couldn't exactly figure out the real reason for the tears. Initially, I thought it was one thing but then realized it to be another. In reality, it was pent up emotions. Emotions that I had suppressed for quite some time.
Have you ever cried just to release it all? It's healthy to. I was literally crying out. It hurt so bad. My head, my heart. I woke up feeling like I had a hangover, even though I have never touched alcohol in my life. Some may think it's depression, and I know I had a depressed day today, which is not my norm. It took a while to recover, but I have and am...
I had a conversation last night with a good friend that brought out something that needed to be dealt with. I was upset with a situation and someone in particular that I was choosing to be cynical and catty about. It's not right ,and God finally called me out on it and made me deal with it. It was time to truly open up and clear the air. My friend now knows what the real situation was. It was a good dad / daughter like talk, and this conversation brought these thoughts, emotions and pain back to the surface. I had suppressed them for so long and was trying to forget them, that after we talked, they came right up. I couldn't handle it anymore.
That was just part of the tears. That convo put me over my limit as the stress and change happening in my life right now hit a peak. I'm seriously scared about starting school next week. I'm excited but scared to death. So much is changing. Will I be able to do it all? School, work, homework, clinical hours? Where's the money coming from? My social life will come to a halt for a year... Will my friends understand and stick around? Or will they run? Will I ever find Mr. Right? Do I really have to be patient? Do I have to wait on Your timing? Can You tell I'm freaking out? You know I like control!!
That's my problem... I like to be in control. I want to know what and when things are going to happen before they happen. I'm a thinker. I think 5-7 steps ahead of myself. But God's timing is perfect. He makes me wait. He knows I like to be in control and know what's going to happen. He knows so well that He in fact does reveal to me what's going to happen. Thing is, He doesn't tell me when! Which makes me kind of impatient...
No matter how crazed I feel, I know His ways are better than mine. His timing is better than mine. He's teaching me how to trust in Him. I love following Him and His leading. His ways are truly perfect. He has placed dreams and passions in my heart and soul that I'm just waiting on His timing for them to happen. It's so exciting!!
He works all things out for the good of those who love Him and keep His commands. Thank You, Abba Father. I belong to You. I trust Your timing, love and guidance. I trust Your heart. Wrap Your arms around me and just hold me for "I'm shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?" (Rich Mullins).
Have you ever cried just to release it all? It's healthy to. I was literally crying out. It hurt so bad. My head, my heart. I woke up feeling like I had a hangover, even though I have never touched alcohol in my life. Some may think it's depression, and I know I had a depressed day today, which is not my norm. It took a while to recover, but I have and am...
I had a conversation last night with a good friend that brought out something that needed to be dealt with. I was upset with a situation and someone in particular that I was choosing to be cynical and catty about. It's not right ,and God finally called me out on it and made me deal with it. It was time to truly open up and clear the air. My friend now knows what the real situation was. It was a good dad / daughter like talk, and this conversation brought these thoughts, emotions and pain back to the surface. I had suppressed them for so long and was trying to forget them, that after we talked, they came right up. I couldn't handle it anymore.
That was just part of the tears. That convo put me over my limit as the stress and change happening in my life right now hit a peak. I'm seriously scared about starting school next week. I'm excited but scared to death. So much is changing. Will I be able to do it all? School, work, homework, clinical hours? Where's the money coming from? My social life will come to a halt for a year... Will my friends understand and stick around? Or will they run? Will I ever find Mr. Right? Do I really have to be patient? Do I have to wait on Your timing? Can You tell I'm freaking out? You know I like control!!
That's my problem... I like to be in control. I want to know what and when things are going to happen before they happen. I'm a thinker. I think 5-7 steps ahead of myself. But God's timing is perfect. He makes me wait. He knows I like to be in control and know what's going to happen. He knows so well that He in fact does reveal to me what's going to happen. Thing is, He doesn't tell me when! Which makes me kind of impatient...
No matter how crazed I feel, I know His ways are better than mine. His timing is better than mine. He's teaching me how to trust in Him. I love following Him and His leading. His ways are truly perfect. He has placed dreams and passions in my heart and soul that I'm just waiting on His timing for them to happen. It's so exciting!!
He works all things out for the good of those who love Him and keep His commands. Thank You, Abba Father. I belong to You. I trust Your timing, love and guidance. I trust Your heart. Wrap Your arms around me and just hold me for "I'm shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?" (Rich Mullins).
Monday, August 4, 2008
Living Out My Dreams for Such a Time as This
It's going to happen. I'm going for it. I'm living out one of my wildest dreams (I have several more that are in the making right now!). The last week of August is almost here. The homework assignments are starting to roll in but you know what? I'M LOVING IT!! "I thought you were done with school," some might be saying. I thought so too. After I graduated with my bachelors of nursing three and half years ago, my mom excitedly said to me, "You're done forever with school!" But, I knew in the back of my mind that I wasn't done. Even though I fought it for three years, I knew I wanted to go back. I want to learn so much more about the neonate. It fascinates me (about as much fascination as I have about the end times).
And where am I going? To Nashville! Vanderbilt University to be exact. Don't get me wrong, I'm not moving there as the entire program is online BUT I do get to go down there six times for the year long program. YES!! My first trip down for classes and orientation is the last week of this month and it's for a whole week! I'm soooo excited!! And I have a few friends down there that I hope to connect with which will be suhweet to see them. Can you tell I'm missin' Nashville right now? I went down there back in April with several really good friends and had SO much fun. Chris (aka. my adopted dad), Beth, Jordan, and George. One of the best trips I've ever been on. LOVE YOU GUYS!!
What am I going to school for? My masters degree to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. I almost didn't make it b/c I almost quit when I realized how in depth study the GREs were. I never want to see that test EVER again. Ugh...
God never ceases to amaze me though. He has put the right people in my life at just the right time to encourage and support me to go for my dreams. He has also widely opened the doors of opportunity to make a difference in this world. Through my career as an RN in the Neonatal ICU, through cross-cultural mission trips, through my family and friends, through my beloved Bible study group, and in my very own neighborhood. I love people and being with them. I love listening to them and helping them in life. Loving people is one of my biggest passions in life. Christ needs to be first as I follow His leading...
Following Christ is one of the best ways to live b/c I've been on so many wild and crazy trips lately... but you know what? That's what makes life SO much fun! When Christ is living in and through you, you are truly living life to the fullest as He takes you on wild and crazy rides to impact a world in need of a Saviour.
Stay tuned... More to come! (...wow, I miss blogging... more can be found here: www.WaY.fm/connect/missons)
And where am I going? To Nashville! Vanderbilt University to be exact. Don't get me wrong, I'm not moving there as the entire program is online BUT I do get to go down there six times for the year long program. YES!! My first trip down for classes and orientation is the last week of this month and it's for a whole week! I'm soooo excited!! And I have a few friends down there that I hope to connect with which will be suhweet to see them. Can you tell I'm missin' Nashville right now? I went down there back in April with several really good friends and had SO much fun. Chris (aka. my adopted dad), Beth, Jordan, and George. One of the best trips I've ever been on. LOVE YOU GUYS!!
What am I going to school for? My masters degree to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. I almost didn't make it b/c I almost quit when I realized how in depth study the GREs were. I never want to see that test EVER again. Ugh...
God never ceases to amaze me though. He has put the right people in my life at just the right time to encourage and support me to go for my dreams. He has also widely opened the doors of opportunity to make a difference in this world. Through my career as an RN in the Neonatal ICU, through cross-cultural mission trips, through my family and friends, through my beloved Bible study group, and in my very own neighborhood. I love people and being with them. I love listening to them and helping them in life. Loving people is one of my biggest passions in life. Christ needs to be first as I follow His leading...
Following Christ is one of the best ways to live b/c I've been on so many wild and crazy trips lately... but you know what? That's what makes life SO much fun! When Christ is living in and through you, you are truly living life to the fullest as He takes you on wild and crazy rides to impact a world in need of a Saviour.
Stay tuned... More to come! (...wow, I miss blogging... more can be found here: www.WaY.fm/connect/missons)
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