You know, going into nursing, I never imagined the things I'd be apart of. Who would have imagined I would be providing care for the smallest patient ever imagined. I've seen a mom give birth to a baby as small as 560 grams (1 lb 4 oz). Her length: from the tip of your fingers to stretching barely beyond your wrist. Her hand being the size of your thumb. I have witnessed the birth of twins, only to bury them a week later as I provided the care they needed from when they were first born to when they passed away. I have witnessed the joys of twins going home with their parents after being born at just over a pound, going home big and chunky four whole months later. I have provided care for the big eight pound term babies being sicker than ever could be, watched them make the big turn around, slowly come off life support, get a good bath, then start taking a bottle to the joys and smiles of their parents. Provided care for them after going through surgery, been on nitric oxide, jet ventilator, ECMO, oscillator. I have provided care for the sickest babies on the unit, but nothing compares to being there when parents mourn the loss of a child after witnessing a full code on their own baby. Nothing compares to that especially when it's unexpected. I could see it on their faces. Our team had worked as one to save this baby. It was not easy and no one wanted to give up, but it eventually it comes to that point. Why? Why do babies have to die? It just doesn't seem fair.
Our team is a real team. We stand together as one. We work side by side supporting each other as we fight for each baby's life. It's not an easy battle and we take it very seriously. The faces of everyone involved in the case mentioned above... heartbroken. The mood for the rest of the day... downtrodden... as we carried each other's burdens supporting each other as we could. Our hearts had been ripped out of our chests for these parents, this family, as we cried out asking, "Why do babies have to suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people?" I just don't get it...
But as tough as it gets in the NICU world, I absolutely love my job, our team, the parents, the families, the babies. I love the intensity. The A.D.D. environment. Makes me think extremely critically. Always on top of my game. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's more than just feeding, changing diapers and rocking babies. Oh, so much more. If you ever get a chance to step into the NICU - try it some time - it'll change the way you look at the world. It's pretty amazing.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
A Moment I Will Never Forget... A moment with God & Chris Tomlin
Did you ever have an experience that seemed to be totally random? Out of the blue almost. You then look back later and realize it was from God? A moment He taught you something... A revelation.
I had such a moment about two weeks ago. I called up my good friend / adopted dad, Chris Lemke, to see if he was ready to head out to dinner that night. We both happened to be in Nashville at the same time, and we had planned ahead of time to do dinner together. He said, "Hold on, let me call you back." A few minutes later, he calls me back and says, "I"m on this street." I reply, "What's the cross street?" "Um... Hang on, let me talk to someone. You aren't too far from me b/c apparently I'm near Vanderbilt. Just start heading towards the right." "Ok. Let me get away from the hospital first." We hang up, then calls me back again and tells me the cross street. I'm like, "I just turned right onto that street! In fact, I see you now." "Oh ok..." We hang up, I pick him up at a light and we make another right. Chris is like, "I just came from a CD release party / platinum / gold album party for Chris Tomlin, and if you want, park here and I bet you can get a CD." I'm thinking inside my mind, "Heck, yeah!" I hadn't seen Chris Tomlin since GMA. I was more than geeked to see him at his very own private party, but if you know anything about me, I keep my feelings fairly internalized.
I manage to parallel park (with a lot of readjustments) and we head inside to an old church turned recording studio. You would never guess this was a recording studio from the outside. First impressions, this place is gorgeous! The first person Chris L introduces me to is Matt Maher, who is a songwriter, and writes music with Chris T. Very cool guy. I honestly didn't realize who he was till Chris L told me later.
I then looked up and saw Chris Tomlin on the stage getting his pic taken for a photoshoot of him and several people that helped him with his album. Chris L and I then move towards the stage, and the control room of the studio. I could see a full size grand piano in an adjacent room. He told me that this is one of the most expensive recording studios with one of the largest soundboards in the world. That board was HUGE. I'd say about 8-10 feet long. This studio was gorgeous!
We then went down from the stage, off to the side to watch Chris Tomlin do his photo shoot. Eventually Chris T's dad, mom, two brothers, sister-in-law and nephew get up there with him for a pic. I said to Chris L, "Where's his wife and kids?" Chris replied, "He's still single." What?! Serious?" The guy is so good looking and well established in a good music career, how could he be single?! "He told me he doesn't have time for a relationship," Chris said. WOW. I persisted to ask Chris more questions about him. I said, "When I talked with him at GMA for about 10 minutes, he was kind of hard to talk with and engage in conversation. Is this because he's not interested or...?" "He's on the quieter side and tends to be shy." "Ah. I see." Chris Tomlin glanced my way several times, probably wondering who the heck I was and what I was doing at his little private party. I kind of doubt he remembers me from GMA, but who knows! Very sweet guy though.
I am still in shock that Chris is single! What an inspiration. Chris L said he was going to introduce me to him, but it never happened. We walked right by him, but Chris L kept walking. I was kind of bummed but then thought, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
In looking back, I realized how random that moment in time really was. A divine appointment. God revealed to me the great things he can do through single people. It was Him telling me to chill out and relax... "Enjoy this life and all that I can do through you! Look what I have done through Chris Tomlin to glorify my Name, to bring people closer to Me. I can do that through you if you let Me." Chris L told me of Chris T's travels around the world. I remember the mission trips Chris Tomlin had told me that he'd been on when I talked to him back in April. God has used and is using this man to make a huge impact on this world for Christ.
It was a moment I will never forget. It was special. It was divine. God was there, I could sense His presence. It was a moment meant to be. I didn't ask for it. It happened. It was directed by God. I treasure this moment, and the album I received on my way out. Chris Tomlin's latest album, Hello Love. This album is incredible. I received an advance copy - before it hit the streets the very next week.
Although, I hope my prince charming sweeps me off my feet some day in the near distant future, this moment revealed to me that a season of singleness or even a lifetime of singleness is something to be treasured. God can use me in ways that He could not otherwise. Chris Tomlin is 34 years old. I am 25. A 9 year gap, but a gap that gives me hope that God has big dreams and plans for my life. Only He knows the plans He has for me. I lay my trust, heart and head in His arms of love and peace. <3
I had such a moment about two weeks ago. I called up my good friend / adopted dad, Chris Lemke, to see if he was ready to head out to dinner that night. We both happened to be in Nashville at the same time, and we had planned ahead of time to do dinner together. He said, "Hold on, let me call you back." A few minutes later, he calls me back and says, "I"m on this street." I reply, "What's the cross street?" "Um... Hang on, let me talk to someone. You aren't too far from me b/c apparently I'm near Vanderbilt. Just start heading towards the right." "Ok. Let me get away from the hospital first." We hang up, then calls me back again and tells me the cross street. I'm like, "I just turned right onto that street! In fact, I see you now." "Oh ok..." We hang up, I pick him up at a light and we make another right. Chris is like, "I just came from a CD release party / platinum / gold album party for Chris Tomlin, and if you want, park here and I bet you can get a CD." I'm thinking inside my mind, "Heck, yeah!" I hadn't seen Chris Tomlin since GMA. I was more than geeked to see him at his very own private party, but if you know anything about me, I keep my feelings fairly internalized.
I manage to parallel park (with a lot of readjustments) and we head inside to an old church turned recording studio. You would never guess this was a recording studio from the outside. First impressions, this place is gorgeous! The first person Chris L introduces me to is Matt Maher, who is a songwriter, and writes music with Chris T. Very cool guy. I honestly didn't realize who he was till Chris L told me later.
I then looked up and saw Chris Tomlin on the stage getting his pic taken for a photoshoot of him and several people that helped him with his album. Chris L and I then move towards the stage, and the control room of the studio. I could see a full size grand piano in an adjacent room. He told me that this is one of the most expensive recording studios with one of the largest soundboards in the world. That board was HUGE. I'd say about 8-10 feet long. This studio was gorgeous!
We then went down from the stage, off to the side to watch Chris Tomlin do his photo shoot. Eventually Chris T's dad, mom, two brothers, sister-in-law and nephew get up there with him for a pic. I said to Chris L, "Where's his wife and kids?" Chris replied, "He's still single." What?! Serious?" The guy is so good looking and well established in a good music career, how could he be single?! "He told me he doesn't have time for a relationship," Chris said. WOW. I persisted to ask Chris more questions about him. I said, "When I talked with him at GMA for about 10 minutes, he was kind of hard to talk with and engage in conversation. Is this because he's not interested or...?" "He's on the quieter side and tends to be shy." "Ah. I see." Chris Tomlin glanced my way several times, probably wondering who the heck I was and what I was doing at his little private party. I kind of doubt he remembers me from GMA, but who knows! Very sweet guy though.
I am still in shock that Chris is single! What an inspiration. Chris L said he was going to introduce me to him, but it never happened. We walked right by him, but Chris L kept walking. I was kind of bummed but then thought, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.
In looking back, I realized how random that moment in time really was. A divine appointment. God revealed to me the great things he can do through single people. It was Him telling me to chill out and relax... "Enjoy this life and all that I can do through you! Look what I have done through Chris Tomlin to glorify my Name, to bring people closer to Me. I can do that through you if you let Me." Chris L told me of Chris T's travels around the world. I remember the mission trips Chris Tomlin had told me that he'd been on when I talked to him back in April. God has used and is using this man to make a huge impact on this world for Christ.
It was a moment I will never forget. It was special. It was divine. God was there, I could sense His presence. It was a moment meant to be. I didn't ask for it. It happened. It was directed by God. I treasure this moment, and the album I received on my way out. Chris Tomlin's latest album, Hello Love. This album is incredible. I received an advance copy - before it hit the streets the very next week.
Although, I hope my prince charming sweeps me off my feet some day in the near distant future, this moment revealed to me that a season of singleness or even a lifetime of singleness is something to be treasured. God can use me in ways that He could not otherwise. Chris Tomlin is 34 years old. I am 25. A 9 year gap, but a gap that gives me hope that God has big dreams and plans for my life. Only He knows the plans He has for me. I lay my trust, heart and head in His arms of love and peace. <3
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