Life & death. It's part of my job...

You know, going into nursing, I never imagined the things I'd be apart of. Who would have imagined I would be providing care for the smallest patient ever imagined. I've seen a mom give birth to a baby as small as 560 grams (1 lb 4 oz). Her length: from the tip of your fingers to stretching barely beyond your wrist. Her hand being the size of your thumb. I have witnessed the birth of twins, only to bury them a week later as I provided the care they needed from when they were first born to when they passed away. I have witnessed the joys of twins going home with their parents after being born at just over a pound, going home big and chunky four whole months later. I have provided care for the big eight pound term babies being sicker than ever could be, watched them make the big turn around, slowly come off life support, get a good bath, then start taking a bottle to the joys and smiles of their parents. Provided care for them after going through surgery, been on nitric oxide, jet ventilator, ECMO, oscillator. I have provided care for the sickest babies on the unit, but nothing compares to being there when parents mourn the loss of a child after witnessing a full code on their own baby. Nothing compares to that especially when it's unexpected. I could see it on their faces. Our team had worked as one to save this baby. It was not easy and no one wanted to give up, but it eventually it comes to that point. Why? Why do babies have to die? It just doesn't seem fair.

Our team is a real team. We stand together as one. We work side by side supporting each other as we fight for each baby's life. It's not an easy battle and we take it very seriously. The faces of everyone involved in the case mentioned above... heartbroken. The mood for the rest of the day... downtrodden... as we carried each other's burdens supporting each other as we could. Our hearts had been ripped out of our chests for these parents, this family, as we cried out asking, "Why do babies have to suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people?" I just don't get it...

But as tough as it gets in the NICU world, I absolutely love my job, our team, the parents, the families, the babies. I love the intensity. The A.D.D. environment. Makes me think extremely critically. Always on top of my game. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's more than just feeding, changing diapers and rocking babies. Oh, so much more. If you ever get a chance to step into the NICU - try it some time - it'll change the way you look at the world. It's pretty amazing.