Livin' it up & Luvin' life

Life has been a blast these last couple weeks. So much has happened... Turned over three years working as an RN in the Neonatal ICU and now looking to attending grad school next fall. Working with George Moss as his street team and promotions director. Went through the Song of Solomon Bible study and will now be a co-leader for the next study. Joined George's small group Bible study. New carpet in my house. Party at my house. Chillin' with friends at my house and everywhere else. Going to bed at 2am just about every night for the last week (except this weekend). Sleeping in till 10-11a. Definitely living up the life till I start grad school in the fall!!

My friends have been all off for Christmas break, so being able to chill with them the last week and a half has been a complete blast. Started out by having a huge party at my house with Zach, Jon, David, Amanda, Adam, Autumn, Alyssa, George, Juice, Joel, Rick, George, Erin & Beth! SO much fun! My house was so trashed by the time all was said and done ~ after pizza, pop, Murder in the Church, Hide'n'Seek, Nerf Airgun wars, party in a 10 by 10 room, Sardines, Guitar Hero, Soccer & Football outside, talking, more eating, talking, talking, talking! One of the best parties I have EVER had!!

PLUS my sister, Amanda, is home from Word of Life Bible College in Hungary where she's been the last three months... I've so missed her and it's been great hanging out with her as I've only been able to talk to her via Skype and Facebook. Hanging out with her in person as much as possible this last week has been AMAZING. Love you sista!!

I also met a friend of mine for the first time ever in person at the party at my house Saturday... It was so cool to hear his voice in person, on the phone Friday then in PERSON AT MY HOUSE!!! We have NEVER MET before except on Skype through Amanda. George is from Romania but working in Hungary at the same school my sister Amanda is attending. We randomly met through Skype. I thought I was talking to Amanda, but come to find out he was mistakenly logged in as her and didn't know she had still been logged in as he was fixing her computer. We instantly became friends and talked for about two hours on Skype, then we became Facebook friends, then God allowed us to meet in person for the first time at the party at my house. Total God-thing. This was his first time in the States and he stayed with friends of his who live literally 1.6 miles (that's for you George and that milk shake I still owe you) from my house. Then come to find out, I coached his friend's sister in volleyball. This world is only getting smaller the more I get to know more people. God is amazing. George and I were able to hang out together for three nights in a row - usually with my sister, Amanda, since she is good friends with him. It was fun to get to know George and hang out with him as I was his set of wheels for those three days (seems to be a theme for many of my friends :) ). God works in amazing ways. Just to think that three months ago we were just chatting on Skype never thinking we would actually meet face to face. We then found ourselves Christmas night sitting face to face one on one getting to know each other in person. After he went back to his friend's house, I went to bed that night just mind-boggled that this guy from the other side of the world just hung out with me all night and we only met on Skype three months ago... How often does that happen?

I have also found myself to become very good friends with George Moss as I am his street team and promotions director. I love it!! I find myself hanging out with George for at least one day a week whether we are in the studio ~ him recording his album - me capturing these moments on tape; checking out a venue for the CD release party, discussing promotions and street team stuff, being a sound board for each other on anything and everything in life, hitting up Bible study or challenging each other to a game of Blokus. ha ha... After Bible study one night, George and our friends from Bible study introduced me to Blokus at Applebees... SO much fun! Then George, Amanda, George (from Romania) and I challenged each other to Blokus in a coffee shop just the other night... Yes, it was two Amandas and two George's challenging each other in Blokus! How confusing is that? ;) ha ha... George and I both beat George (from Romania) and Amanda... ha ha! yes, George, we TIED :p

Another night of fun is planned for New Year's as we all hit up the New Year's Eve party with WaYfm... So many friends to celebrate the new year with!! Don't plan to sleep at all as several of my friends are staying the night at my place. Sledding at 3am sounds like a blast doesn't it? haha ... sleep? what's that? who needs it??

God is AMAZING!! I LOVE MY FRIENDS...

Three George's, two Amandas :)
Amanda, George, Amanda
Amanda, Amanda, George
Amanda, Autumn
Beth, Alyssa, Amanda
Amanda, Amanda
Amanda, Zach

All I Really Want For Christmas

One my dreams someday... to adopt. My dream has always been China, but I'm open to where God leads. Some day when Mr. Right comes aknockin' I know it will happen. I keep saying, if I'm not married by 30, I'm adopting my girls from China - except China will not allow singles to adopt anymore. Therefore, I may be looking to Korea as their kids are just as cute ...or any country God has in mind. I'm open and willing to go where He leads. This song has touched my heart since it came out... I created a slideshow of pics from Blossom Garden Orphanage, the home for disabled and home for troubled boys and set it to this song by Steven Curtis Chapman, All I Really Want For Christmas. All three of those places are located near Montego Bay, Jamaica, which is where the WaYfm mission team served this past summer (of which I was very much apart of).

Blokus Addicts

You play it once and you are instantly an addict. I found myself playing tonight online versus a guy from Montreal. Let's just say he whooped me...

George introduced me to Blokus last week. I think he had been introduced to it by Greg a couple weeks prior and has been playing online since... therefore learning all the strategies so he could beat us all!

Anyway, last Tuesday after Bible study five of us headed to Applebees, Blokus in hand. Yes, we played Blokus in Applebees while enjoying our half price appetizers :) I had never played before and neither had Matt or Anthony. We played from 10:30p- 11:55p. Matt and Anthony rotated through while George, Liz and I were not giving up our spots. I was hooked after game one. It gets brutal! As Liz likes to say... friendships can be ruined over this game! I tend to agree that that could happen if played often enough... ha ha. (But I hope your friendships are deeper than that!)

It had been a week since I played last and I had been wanting to play more with no means to! After Bible study last night, George, Liz, Matt and I headed over to George's place with Blokus in hand! Woohoo!! (We had to beg and plead Joey - our fearless leader's son - to let us borrow it again. Thanks, Joey!!) Once at George's, a rousing game of Blokus was at hand. Next thing we know, Jason and Josh show up ready to chill out w/ us. Then Brad came as well as Anthony! Good times :) After two games of Blokus, Josh was intrigued enough to join. He had never played before but after game one, was hooked :)

As I said, all it takes is one game and you're addict. Tonight, I found myself to be fairly bored (as my house is torn apart and TV unplugged in anticipation for my new carpet to be laid in the morning!!), and remembered Blokus can be played online and globally! Yeah!! Sadly though, I lost to a Canadian... He did tell me he had been playing for two months now whereas I've only played on a board for a week. The game he had me play was a board that was the shape of a hexagon (vs. a square) and we each played two colors instead of one. I had never played that way before and therefore lost miserably. But you can be sure I'll be getting more practice so I can beat George (not tie, BEAT!) next time we play!! Plus, I gotta keep up with Josh as I can about imagine he had his entire office to playing online today :)

Any other Blokus addicts out there??

5 friends, 4 morning shows, 4 radio stations.

A dilemma to say the least... Who do you listen to? What is YOUR favorite radio station?? Honestly, my personal favorite station is 88.3/89.9 WaYfm that can also be heard online at WaY.fm. BUT in the morning, I have 5 good friends on 4 different radio stations each with their own morning show. It used to only be 2 morning shows I had to decide between - WCSG & WaYfm. It has now DOUBLED to FOUR... 89.3 WGNB, 89.9 WaYfm, 91.3 WCSG and STAR 105.7. My very good friend Jack Haveman is on 89.3, my good friend, Rich Anderson is on 89.9, my friend, John Balyo is on 91.3 and my friends, Tommy and Brook are now on Star 105.7. A good dilemma to have I must say as you can never have too many friends. This AM, I found myself flipping through all four stations trying to catch them all on their breaks... Fortunately three of the stations are close to each other on the dial, but there is one outlier that took some serious dialing.

Honestly, I mainly enjoy listening to them talk instead of listening to the music. Much more entertaining. In fact, I wish they did more talking in the morning AND that they'd all synchronize it so I could flip from one station to the next so that as one ended his break, I could flip to the next and catch that break from the start, then go to the next, then the next... There's an idea! Then I could set my Sony digital tuner to all four stations and flip from one to the next to the next to the next and not miss a thing!

Fortunately for the afternoons and evenings, I only have to tune in to WaYfm for my friends... Mike Couchman, George Moss and DJ Mystery. Makes my listening decision SO much easier.

Who do you enjoy listening to? Does anyone else share my dilemma? Talk to me! Love to hear from ya!

In the Waiting that leads to the ACTION

Have you ever felt as though you are in a waiting period where it seems as though nothing is currently happening? Then bam! Everything hits, things start happening and life gets exciting again! I have recently experienced this. There were a couple weeks that it just felt like I took a break from life. I didn't pick up extra at work. I didn't do much around the house. I just chilled and thought. God slowed me down to the point where I realize that I wasn't spending enough time with Him... Seeking His direction in life and looking to Him for wisdom, insight and guidance in life. In that waiting, I really started to seek Him. As soon as I started looking to Him, the waiting STOPPED, and life took off again! God took me out of the waiting period to ACTION!

God never ceases to amaze me. It was tough going through that waiting period as I was starting to get depressed and wondering what God was doing in my life. But you know what? That was when I started to seek God again. It forced me to get down on my knees to search for His will. I really started to read the Bible and the book I've been reading lately, David, A Man of Passion & Destiny by Chuck Swindoll. Looking for God's teaching to challenge me to grow spiritually and to deepen my relationship with Him. It worked and I love it! This waiting period also forced me to start journaling again. That is how I pray and talk to my Father in Heaven ~ I journal. I had stopped for a while b/c there was one thing going on in my life that I had hoped would come to fruition that I had been journaling about asking God for guidance and wisdom ~ to which God said no to. I was so discouraged that I stopped journaling. I just couldn't do it anymore. I didn't turn my back on God, but I stopped deeply talking to Him. Also when I left the radio stations and was going off in an entirely new direction ~ I didn't deeply seek God's will. I knew He was leading me away from the stations and back to school but I was flying by the seat of my pants. Therefore, God decided it was time to put me in the waiting period. He put my life completely on hold and said, "Stop. Come back to me. I love you and know what's best for you. Stop trying to go your own way. I know what's best. Seek ME first for guidance, insight and wisdom. Don't think you know what's best or think you know what I'm telling you as you really don't know until you LISTEN to Me. The only way you can listen to me is if you stop and seek Me. I will give you the answer, the wisdom, the insight, the guidance, and ultimately the desires of your heart. Only I can do that. Seek Me."

I did and life has become SO much clearer now. I feel as though I have a clearer understanding of God's will for my life. I think I have finally decided on what school to attend for grad school. I'm at peace about it even though I have a lot of work ahead of me to accomplish that goal. I would appreciate your prayers for me in this for I have to take the GRE to get into grad school. And the school I have chosen - all online courses but will have to travel to the school four to six times - is very expensive. I will be saving like a madwoman over the next 10 or so months before starting school next fall so I can avoid as much debt as possible!

So what school am I looking at to attend? Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee. They are a very good school and have a strong online program that will allow me to study from home. I will have to travel down there four to six times for five-day block classes over the course of a year to year and a half. I am really looking forward to actually going down there as I have never been to Nashville but hear it is a fun city to visit. Plus I have several friends who have been there that can give me the low down about where to go and what to do while I'm not studying or attending class :) The rest of the program will allow me to "attend" class online as well as do my residency in my NICU here at home. (I'm going for my masters to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner.) Our nursery is a level three nursery and we are a teaching hospital - which is the same as Vanderbilt. Plus we are one of the biggest Neonatal ICU's in the country as we have anywhere from 70-100+ babies at any given moment, and I will definitely get the experience I need to become the best NNP possible. My biggest hurdle is taking the GRE as this school requires it. I have started studying for it and it is a mountain to climb. A bit intimidating but I'm driven and determined to conquer this mountain. Please pray for me. It's a bit overwhelming, but doable. I'll be studying for about six weeks or so - whatever it takes to feel somewhat comfortable to sit down and take the test.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to going back to school to learn more about the neonate - in depth learning about the smallest patient you will ever see or care for. ...Imagine a baby where his length extends from the tip of your fingers to just outside the palm of your hand. Imagine a head that you can almost wrap your entire hand around. Imagine a foot that is the size of the pad of your thumb. Imagine a leg that is the length of your middle finger. Imagine a heart that is slightly smaller than a quarter - imagine having to perform surgery on that heart. Now imagine being the mom or dad of someone so small, so fragile. Now imagine being the nurse, the doctor, the nurse practitioner, the respiratory therapist responsible for the care of someone so small in this battle for life. They don't all start out that small... Some start out at three to four pounds or even term size and become really sick that require significant care. But no matter their size, they baffle you at their fight for survival. They surprise you when they make it through when all seems lost. And they make you proud when they come back to visit walking and talking, making your day knowing you made a big difference in their little lives...

In the recording studio w/ George

wow, there is a ton of work that goes into making an album. to perfect it. to make it sound just so. to get the perfect artistic touch. to hit the note just right. anthony learned that all too well tonight as deb grilled him to get the right note each and every time - not sharp or flat. just ... there... yeah, that one. you nailed it anthony. it's dubbed. nice punch there. ...learning the lingo in the recording studio. the medical field has it's own lingo, radio has it's lingo, and recording studio producers have their lingo.

so much of listening, re-recording, replaying ...to get it perfect. first you record one layer, then another and another, oh and one more... oh and anthony, add another layer of you free stylin' it for one more. you get a full sound and it sounds as if there are multiple vocalists - when really it's just ANTHONY and KEISHA and not 5 others behind them! deb is a slave driver for sure. she made sure anthony and keisha hit their notes perfectly. keisha was da bomb. definitely a professional. anthony took a few more cuts to get it right but rocked fo sho! he's got class. very entertaining to watch :) yeah anthony!

george, he just sat behind the scenes tonight directing how everything was to go. we recorded much of the title track, All Or Nothing, tonight. anthony laid down his vocals tonight for the chorus - several layers. he did melody, while keisha did harmony. sounded phenomenal. rocked it out fo sho. actually all or nothing is a much more mellow song compared to whoa. slows things down a bit, which every album needs.

keyboard track and drums were also laid down today for all or nothing. sounded real good. anthony was on keys as well as drums. deb laid down the bass. she's the behind the scenes producer and fills in where needed. she's definitely professional too. music teacher by trade, album producer by night. :)

good times. in fact, i'm currently listening to four different tracks for the album that are partially done. it's awesome. can't wait for ya'll to hear it!

as george's street team director, i want to direct you (no pun intended) to join george's street team for access to all behind the scenes footage and exclusives coming soon! look forward to seeing you there!! www.g-moss.com

Live in the God Moments

Recently I found myself watching one of my favorite movies that actually changed my life ever since it came out in 2001... Princess Diaries. Yes, Princess Diaries changed my life. It inspired and challenged me to give myself a full makeover over time... As a result, it has become one of the best things I could have ever done as I now have self-confidence in myself, in how I look, in how I relate to other people, the list goes on... It's amazing how much an effect appearance has not only on my own mental capacities but in how other people treat me.

For those of you who didn't know me back in the day... What exactly did I change and why did it affect who I am? Well, I used to have very short hair - comparable to that of a guy. I have been actually been called a boy several times in my life (and people seriously and genuinely thought I was a boy). I never used to wear makeup or manicure my eyebrows. I also didn't wear in-style clothing. Nowadays, you will find me with long hair, makeup, manicured eyebrows and in-style clothing. None of which I did while growing up as my mother never taught me to. Therefore, I had to teach myself. I chose to give myself a full makeover over the course of a couple years. I started with my clothes and eyebrows. Then moved onto my hair. The hair took the longest!! Then moved onto makeup and shoes.

Granted appearance isn't everything, but in today's society, it is vital to survival. In today's world, so much emphasis is placed on physical outer appearance. Back in the day, when I wasn't so stylish, I was rejected. Not accepted. Ignored. Not respected. Just as Mia was in Princess Diaries. Both of us, respectable, loving people, were completely disregarded in society due to our lack of style and appearance.

Why? Why was that the case? Why do we place SO much emphasis on appearance? Why is it SO important to look just so or to wear this or that instead of that or this? Why do we shun and ignore each other if we don't look like America's next top model?? I take the blame too... Notice I used the word "we" - to include me. I am just as guilty as the next person.

You know, now that I have changed my appearance, just as Mia Thermopolous did in Princess Diaries, my self-confidence, self-esteem and outlook on life has completely changed. I feel pretty now. I feel loved by more people than just my family. I feel accepted. I feel like a leader. Maybe that's why What Not to Wear on TLC has become so popular and is also one of my favorite TV shows. I have learned so much on how to dress and how to do my makeup from watching that show alone. I now put things together or wear different outfits I would not have dared tried before. So much fun! Again, emphasis put on outward appearance... Once I started looking the part, people started to accept me more readily. I have more friends now than I ever have. I love it and definitely don't take ANY of you for granted but at the same time...

It really makes me question the same question my friend asked on his blog recently (WaY.fm/john)... Is it genuine? Is it authentic? When we place so much emphasis on outward appearance, are we really loving people for who they are as a person or are we loving them for how they look? It again makes me question, do people really love or like me for me? What if I didn't look like this? What if I still looked like I did back in the day? Would I still receive this much respect from those around me?

You know, when I don't feel pretty, I think people are going to shun me or not like me for me. There are many times when I don't feel pretty, and I worry that people will reject me. So when I'm not all "dolled up", when I don't have any makeup on or when I'm in my scrubs or in my lounge pants while I'm out in public, I am extremely self-conscious b/c I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being shunned or ignored. I'm afraid that people won't like me for me just as they did in elementary school, middle school and my first two years of high school.

But then God reminds me that APPEARANCE IS NOT EVERYTHING!! It's your HEART. You need to be beautiful on the inside before you can be beautiful on the outside. Once you are well manicured on the inside, it will shine full force to the outside as you will be blazing bright with the glory of God as He shines through you. Then those around you will no longer see you. They will see Christ.

One thing I have always valued as a result of being ignored and shunned while growing up is the fact that I have learned how to get to know the heart of a person. I no longer take appearance as the end all. I take time to get to know a person's heart. Some of the toughest people I have ever met have the greatest hearts deep down, but it takes a persistent person to find it - to get beyond the walls they have built up over the years to protect themselves. Deep down they have a tender loving heart, and it's amazing to see that heart blossom when they allow it. You know it's there and if you watch closely enough, you will see rays of love and tenderness peek through the cracks in the walls. Those are God moments :)

My challenge to you... Be real. Be authentic. Love the heart of the person ~ the true treasure of God.

Live in the God moments.

Single (Natasha Bedingfield)

Halloween Moon & Stars

Halloween Moon & Stars

Halloween Sunset & Rainbow

Set the World on Fire (Britt Nicole) 2

The song that continues to define my life (to listen, click here: Set the World on Fire). The song I draw inspiration. It speaks to the depths of my heart and soul as I look to Christ for guidance. Where do I go from here? What are your ultimate plans for my life? ...I keep coming back to this song... He asks me..."What is your passion?" For You to take my dreams and give them WINGS. Use me to set the world on fire. With You Lord, there is NOTHING I cannot do. My hands, my feet, my everything, my heart, my life, my love, LORD USE ME to set the world on fire. That is my one true passion for You Lord. I want You to use me to set the world on fire.

Where does that leave me today? As I look to grad school and decide where to go... Do I relocate? Do I stay where I am and take online courses? What do I do? God has finally given me clarity. After tons of prayer of my own and my family and friends all asking for clarity and guidance, God has told me to stay right where I am. Where He has placed me. He can do more with me where I am in the here and now. He has surrounded me with amazing people - family and friends. To leave that for school and money would most likely devastate me. Last night at Bible study, one of the girls received a phone call from her mom saying that her brother almost attempted suicide. He had left home to go to school about an hour and half away. He was stressed beyond belief and had no one to vent to. That hit home real hard for me. That could have been me. Away from my entire support system. Stressed with work and school and no one to turn to or vent to. No shoulder to cry on. I could have been that person wanting to end it all b/c I was so stressed out and far from my support system. I'd like to think I'm stronger than that but at the same time, I've never been in that kind of situation w/o some kind of support system.

God has surrounded me with my new friends in Bible study - (sidenote) S.O.S ROCKS MY WORLD. Be ready for the next one - if you have never done this series - DO IT!!! It's for married, dating and singles alike. We happen to be a group of all singles - guys and girls - but anyone can do it. It will change your life!! It is a series by Tommy Nelson (www.songofsolomon.com). It is amazing. Our entire group is fired up over this. It blows our minds. God never ceases to amaze us. (end sidenote :) ).

God has also surrounded me with my Jamaica family. So many good friendships there. I love my family. Also I have my immediate family nearby. Plus a mission trip or two in the planning for the near future with more friendships and leadership opportunities to be had. Honduras with WaYfm is something I am really looking forward to.

Plus I have my house! I love my cozy house that I'm slowly fixing up and have several projects in the works.

I also have an awesome job and work with amazing people. My managers, coworkers and docs love me. And I love working with them.

To leave all this behind for money - which turned out to not be as great as what I thought - so NOT worth it. Ya'll are stuck with me a bit longer... but for some reason I don't think that will be too much of a problem :p

I have peace. I'm so at peace and relaxed about this decision. To stay home and study online for my masters - total peace. No stress. Just peace. God is good. He has made Michigan my home. My roots are deep. I do have dreams to go elsewhere to be used by God, but my roots are deep here. This is my base. A place where I will always call home. I may come and go from here and there, but I will always come home.

And as for a sign off to this post, let me introduce you to my twins. You may remember hearing a little about them in previous posts (and if you know me, you know they are not "mine"). With permission from their mom to share this, here is their picture debut on my blog... Harrison and Natalie...

Please pray for me...

I wanna post someting new, but I have so much going on right now as far as what to decide for grad school, that I'm just going to ask for prayer for wisdom and insight.

What A Weekend

My first weekend off since Jamaica was an absolute blast. It was so packed with things to do! Saturday entailed going to the mall with my bro for about an hour, then we headed off to apple picking with my friends. My bro decided to go along as he had nothing better planned for the day. Two of my friends, Randi Jo and Alyssa, headed out w/ us to the orchard to meet up w/ Beth and her family. Also at the orchard, we met up w/ Brook and her daughter. A single mom and her son joined us as well. Beth has a total of 5 siblings; add that to the single mom and her son, my brother and me, Beth's parents, Brook and her daughter ~ that's a lot of people! Can you do the math ;) Way too fun!

After apple picking, the Jamaica team (aka family) had a bonfire down in the middle of nowhere at Shane and Brande's home. They have acreage so we had plenty of room to run, explore, hide, carve pumpkins, roast hot dogs and marshmallows, sing and talk about random things around the fire. We started out in traditional Jamaica fam style ~ hugs all around as some of us haven't seen each other in months! Way too long! Then I brought out a football I had bought earlier at Old Navy ~ best $3.75 investment from Old Navy ever! (The last football I bought from Old Navy was $5 and that had stayed at a school in Jamaica ~ those kids at the school loved American football :) ) At the bonfire, we played keep away w/ the football. It started out guys vs. girls... JB, Zach and Bryce vs. Alyssa and me. And yes, the girls held their own! yeah Alyssa! George then joined our team to even it out. Yeah George! We played for at least an hour... till I could run no more, my leg muscles were cramping up and I was so winded I had almost no motivation to move. SO much fun.

After we were worn out, we joined the rest of the group at the fire, roasted a dog and marshmallow or two, hung out with everyone, then got the pumpkin carving going! Granted it was dark, we did it anyway. They turned out great! Fortunately I had a couple flashlights to aid in the carving and avoid anyone losing a finger :O I was done first and it turned out to be one of the best pumpkin designs I have ever done. Then George finished Juice's and put mine to shame :) It was amazing. I had brought lights for them and lit them up. Looked really cool. All the while we were carving, JB and Shane were playing praise & worship songs on their guitars and others were having lively discussions. All in all, it was great bonding time.

After carving pumpkins, I secretly brought out the glow-in-the-dark lotion I had bought at a gas station convenience store before heading down and several of us went off and loaded our faces with it. Then ran out into the dark woods, freaked each other out and managed to get a couple guys to come and check out the commotion. Our faces looked awesome. Reminded me of the scream mask. All that was dark on our faces were our eyes and mouth. After entertaining ourselves with the glow lotion, a bunch of us to played hide and seek in the woods and DARK. That was great! Alyssa, Beth and I were "it' first. Went looking for the guys, but could not find them! We found Dale and he scared the pants off of us. Beth and Alyssa were freaking out the most though! That was funny. George, Juice and Zach still needed to be found. I tried calling George hoping to hear his ringtone... No avail. Tried again. He answered and all I could hear was crinkling leaves. George, where are YOU?! The third time, he ignored me. Kept looking till he jumped out of nowhere with Juice managing to scare the girls once again. Zach was left. We could not find him anywhere. Thought he might have died... JB came out to help us look, but refused to offer any CPR help should Zach have asphyxiated himself... Finally Dale caught wind of Zach and found him alive. Next, Dale, Zach and I hid from JB, Beth and Alyssa. Beth is well known for being scared quite readily. As I hid by a tree w/ the other two guys nearby, JB was entertaining us by scaring Beth every chance he had. I have no idea what he said to her, but I was laughing out loud at listening to her reactions. It was great ...sorry Beth...

After Dale and I were found, Zach was missing still! JB disappeared somewhere while Alyssa, Dale and I con'd looking for Zach. Once Zach was found, I called JB several times thinking he was hiding somewhere in the dark waiting to scare us... he kindly answered w/ his creepy laugh...

What a night as random convos followed at the bonfire. Good times.

Sunday was also packed w/ seeing family from Chicago, San Diego, Iowa and Minnesota. We all went to church together ~ something I haven't done since Jamaica. It was great going to church on Sunday to worship Christ with fellow believers and hear one of my favorite pastors preach ~ Rob Bell.

I also haven't seen my cousin from Cali in years. The first thing she said to me when she saw me, "Your all grown up!" ...if that gives you any idea how long it's been since I've seen her... :) We are both RNs and work in the NICU. We had so much to talk about and catch up on! Plus, I now have her cell number and an invite to visit her! I think a trip to Cali is in store soon :D

What a weekend to have off! Good times all around with family & friends.

Kicked Out of the Boat

Jamaica... I long to go back. Jamaica... So many life lessons learned from one point in time. Jamaica... A place that taught me so many things about life. How to live. How to love. How to receive love. How to receive hugs and touch w/o pulling away or tensing up. How to have confidence in my beliefs, in myself. Even before we left for Jamaica, our original leader, Mike (who was unable to go w/ us last minute) taught our team one valuable lesson that I am currently living out. He taught us about how to get out of the boat. How to step out in faith. How, by stepping out in faith, real living truly begins as you fly by the seat of your pants as you are SO open and ready to be used by God. When you are open and vulnerable, God can use you in ways you never imagined. But in doing so, one needs to remember this one thing... in order to step out of the boat, you have to keep your eyes on Jesus. Take note, when Peter stepped out of the boat, he kept his eyes on Jesus. The moment he took his eyes off Christ, he sunk. When you step out in faith, don't lose faith for if you take your eyes off Him, you will sink. You cannot do it alone. (thank you George, I needed that reminder).


So what's the story...? Recently, as in this past Friday, I gave up my volunteer work at the radio stations. It was time. While I cannot go into the specifics as to why I left, I CAN tell you why God kicked me out of the boat. The only way I was going to leave WCSG was by God kicking me out. He had been nudging me to go back to school for quite some time and I kept saying, "No, not now. No, not now. I'm just starting to really live and You want me to go back to school? already? I want to get married! I want Mr. Right to walk in, sweep me off my feet into the sunset so we can live happily ever after and start a family. I don't want to go back to school! What are you thinking? No No NO!" It's been almost three years since I graduated from nursing school with my BSN. Mr. Right has not shown up yet. I have not started a family. I am single. I have a house, and I have an awesome job. But, God has kept the thought of going back to school in the back of my mind since I graduated. When I was "done" with school, I really didn't feel like I was done. In my mind, whether I chose to acknowledge it or not, I anticipated that I'd be going back. Now that I'm fairly well established in my nursing career in the NICU, I long for more. I know I can do more. I know I am NOT living at my full potential.

So has begun the quest to think about grad school and what I want to go for. I first thought I'd go for my masters to become an NNP (Neonatal Nurse Practitioner) as that is the unit I am currently working in ~ the NICU. When I awoke this morning, God brought to my mind about becoming a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. He awoke a dream I have had since I first started in the nursing program. My original dream was to become Pediatric Nurse Practitioner which included mission work to orphanages in foreign countries - especially China - to bring medical care to the children. I distinctly remember that poster I made for my very first nursing class of my ultimate dream - a pediatric nurse practitioner - it had pictures of Chinese kids all over it :) That dream still persists to this day and has expanded beyond the borders of the U.S. and China. I long to go anywhere God is leading me. Africa is another place I have a passion to go where the need is so great.

The doors of opportunity will be wide open once I have this degree. I'm SO excited about what God is doing in my life. I am truly loving life again as my dreams are soaring high. This excitement all started when God kicked me out of the boat and I submitted to His will. He has opened my eyes and refurnished the fire to dream BIG again! The world is mine for the taking to GO out and make a difference! ONLY B/C I SAID YES TO HIM. To HIS will. Life gets so much more exciting when you let God take control as He takes you beyond your wildest dreams to fulfill the desires of your heart. Something He alone can do. No one else.

I need to give credit to where credit is due though. First and foremost, to my Heavenly Father for kicking me out of the boat and fanning the flames of the desires of my heart. To Mike... for teaching me such a valuable life lesson. To my friends... Erin, Autumn and Bethany for indirectly motivating me to go back to school. You are all in school or will be going back... so I may as well join ya! To my friend, George for your words of wisdom that you have given me to help keep me grounded in my faith. I love you guys. I couldn't do this without you!

Granted things are always subject to change as I continually seek out His will and come to a full understanding of where He is leading me as I've only been processing this for three days... this is the plan that is going thru my mind right now. I have only just begun the process of searching out where to go for grad school, how to apply, how to get financial help, etc... My goal is to start next fall. I am currently looking at Rush University in Chicago for online courses or U of M and commute as I will continue working in the NICU. In the mean time, I fully intend to live up the life! A couple mission trips, hang out with friends and have just have some FUN!!

God never ceases to amaze me. It's a transition. It's a process. And I'm nervous and I'm scared. But God is good. ...George gave me a gentle reminder... "Keep your eyes on Jesus as you will be amazed at what He does in your life."

Giving Digital SLR's A Run for Their Money!!

Went to a concert two weeks ago and had the opportunity to take some phenomenal pics as we were FRONT ROW, Center Aisle, Seats 1 & 2. It was awesome. It was also at THE best concert venue I have ever been to for taking pics. So good that Mark Schultz even posted two of my photos on his site that I had taken when he performed at this particular venue as we were row 2, seats 1-3 at that show :D I love my camera. My manager at work keeps telling EVERYONE I know and ME that I need a digital SLR. I agree except I don't know that they'd allow them in concert venues too readily. And besides, my Sony Cybershot 5 megapixels has been serving me quite well. So much so that I'd dare say that these last shots give those SLR's a run for their money! Check out some of my best from this last show w/ Bethany Dillon, Santus Real AND my personal favorite, Steven Curtis Chapman...










The rest of my pics from the show can be viewed by clicking here:
My Pics

All rights reserved on all pics.

Whispers From Above

You do not need to worry about your future.

When you think you've had enough. When you think life just isn't going your way. When you think you've had one too many "no's", God sends you a gentle yet subtle reminder that YOU are not in control.

This last week has been one of the roughest weeks for me. Caiden didn't have the outcome we were hoping and praying for. A dream of mine that I've had for about a year came crashing down. God said no. In fact, He said no twice to me in one week. Yeah, it's been rough to say the least... As it all begins to become a reality. As it all begins to sink in... I am learning to realize that I need to let go of my will and accept God's. For He is in control, not me. Last week was such a whirlwind, that I'm finally beginning to take the time to allow it to sink in as God slowly reveals to me His greater plan. It's not easy accepting two big No's from God in one week's time. But He is indeed in control as he revealed that to me once again tonight...

After a long day at work in the NICU - answering alarms, working with the docs, NNPs, my colleagues and RTs; as well as trying to keep my babies happy, well oxygenated and digesting their 1.5 - 3 mL of food every 3 hours; and also meeting the needs of parents, including allowing a first time mom to hold her 2 pound baby for the first time... after these 12+ hours of constantly giving of myself as my mind still wandered over the past week, God gave me a subtle, yet gentle, reminder. A whisper. How, you may ask? My unit had ordered Chinese take-out today and on my way out, I happened to grab a fortune cookie that read, You need not worry about your future.

How true. How I so needed to be reminded of that right then and there and now. God is in control. I DON'T need to worry about my future. He IS in control. His will is always better than mine for He sees the bigger picture while I see through but a small window of one scene from that picture.

God is in control... I need not worry about my future. For He will reveal it to me as I live day by day as I remember to just breathe and let life happen.

Snuggling w/ My Li'l Man

Had the most fun time two nights ago. I now know what it will be like some day to have my own kids. Wednesday night, I had the opportunity to watch Bretten (5), Caiden (4) and Josi (2). We had so much fun. Mainly just chilled out together and snuggled. Once 2 of the 3 were in bed, Caiden and I just chilled out together watching or listening to Auto B Good - cute DVD series that Caiden literally has memorized. He has a photographic memory! He was telling me the color of every car that was currently in the scene w/o seeing it! And he was right on every time! He knew and followed the storyline better than I did. He could tell me what was happening in each scene just by listening to it. But it helps he's seen it MANY times and this was a first for me (and I was half asleep). It was fun snuggling with my li'l man though. He's such a honey and so are his bro and sis. We had a good time. They went to bed very well for me too which was a huge help. But snuggling w/ Caiden was the best :)

Then Darci (their mom and one of my best friends) came home and we had a good time watching Hitch. Too funny. I had watched it one other time w/ my other sister, Amanda, but didn't really follow the storyline as we were busy making George shirts. So it was fun just chillin' out w/ Darci and having a good laugh after all we've been through this week. Then tonight my friend Erin and I chilled out and had girl talk. That was sure needed. We were going to go out to a movie, but neither of us could work up the energy to actually go do it. So we visited Bethany down the hall - so good to see her as it's been a while - then chilled out in front of She's the Man. That was fun to have a good laugh at such a chic-flick Disney movie. Then we talked for like two hours after that. So needed and felt so good to vent and discuss everything in life that we are experiencing... So much in common, so many frustrations, so much wondering what exactly God has in store for our lives and where He is leading...

God is good though. He never ceases to amaze me. That I will never stop proclaiming.

Beth & Amanda

Why

Long day yesterday. Concert Thurs night. Worked the last 3 days (F,S,S) – 12 hour shifts. Had George's b-day bash Sunday night. Then Caiden yesterday AM. Yeah, exhausted to say the least...

Had a very rough morning yesterday morning...
The tumors in Caiden's eyes grew. There was a new tumor that was bigger than the "old" tumors that were already present. The tumors were near a blood supply that could potentially pick up a cancer cell (or more) and take it to the bones. If that were to happen, Caiden's life would be on the line as he has already exhausted every form of treatment available to him – chemo, radiation, criotherapy, etc… If he were to be treated w/ chemo / radiation, it would increase his risk significantly of developing new tumors elsewhere in the body - which would also be untreatable. Chemo is a poison and the body can only handle so much before it starts defeating the purpose. Everything that could medically be done has already been done. There's nothing left to do. It was time for the eye to come out. After the surgery, the doctor said the eye was hard and actively dying and shutting down. Caiden still had some vision left, but it was just a matter of time before he had none.

Going thru the questions Caiden and his brother and sister have are going to be the hardest for his parents, Jamie and Darci... "Where's my eye? Why is it dark?" are the first two Caiden has already asked. It's a struggle especially when trying to explain to a 4 y/o that his eyes are gone b/c they were very sick. It takes time for him to understand and he will be asking that question multiple times. You know, after walking out of that outpatient clinic into the gorgeous sunshine and beautiful day, I started to really take in my surroundings as I realized how much I take my vision for granted knowing Caiden just lost his...

Please pray not only for Caiden and his family but also the doctor as this has been his longest and toughest case - normally kids are treated in about a year or so and are good to go. This is only the 2nd time in his entire career that this doctor has had to remove both eyes. He is struggling just as much as we are. He's a fellow believer and a phenomenal doctor. I have so much respect for this man. He has a great heart.

Have these last 2 years been wasted in fighting and praying as it came to this point? No. God has done a lot of teaching to all of us in these past 2+ years. The hope is still there that God can provide a miracle of healing for Caiden. God is not done w/ Caiden. He has already used his story to reach and help many families in the community. You, Tommy and Brook, have taken his story to the community and brought them around Caiden and his family. We have heard countless stories of those praying for him. Those he has touched. Those his story has ministered to. Thank you for choosing to share his story. God is far from done w/ Caiden tho. He has a plan. Caiden may not have his visual site, but he does have every other sense to make up for it. In fact, he's already bouncing back. It's just a matter of time and healing and he will be back to running (yes, running) around the house w/ his brother, Bretten, guiding him to avoid all obstacles while Caiden runs oblivious to his surroundings – yes, this was happening already prior to the surgery. And Bretten, his big 5 y/o brother, has already volunteered to help him even more (Caiden is 4 y/o). ☺

Yes, there is a spiritual struggle as well. Trying to understand why it had to come to this. Why did God provide a miracle at the start of treatments 2 years ago, seeming to get our hopes up, then to have it come to this? It's a struggle to wonder why? Why God? Why? But in trying to understand it all, we see how God's hand is woven through it all - in what He has done in Caiden's life, how he has taught us so many life lessons and how He's used Caiden to strengthen our faith. Caiden is still a living testimony and God continues to use this vibrant curly red-headed kid to teach us how to live and breathe and just let life happen as we rest in our Father's arms watching Him work before our very eyes.

93 & Counting

93. Let that sink in a minute. 93. 93 what? years? dollars? people? kids? ...getting closer... dogs? no, but we've had 101 before... In fact, we've had over 101 before... getting scary isn't it...

93 what?

Babies.

Yeah, we are currently providing care for 93+ babies with the anticipation of more on the way - multiples. They just keep coming! What was going on 6-7 months ago? Oh yeah, it was winter ;) Enough said.

Can you tell it was another crazy weekend at work. Definitely still feeling the nursing shortage as the need becomes greater as our census continues to rise. If you are having a hard time finding a job right now, consider a career in nursing. You are guaranteed a job as soon as you have your diploma in hand! There will always be a need as people are always getting sick - sad to say, but so true. The shortage is only going to get worse as the "older" nurses look to retirement. You are needed! It's a good career. Very rewarding. Get paid to travel. Great flexibility.

I enjoy it and don't anticipate going elsewhere. Even in the stressful times, it's still very rewarding. There is nothing better than sending home a set of twins after 4 1/2 long months... as I did recently (and they are bottle feeding!!) Doesn't get much better than that! :D

God is good :D

George Moss, Skillet, Toby Mac

Enough said. That was by far THE BEST concert I have ever attended! George Moss, one of my good friends, was the opening act. Went to Jamaica with him on a mission trip along with 21 others. We got to know each other in no way we could have otherwise. He has a strong heart for the Lord and an artist (and friend) so worth checking out (www.g-moss.com). Over half of the Jamaica team (aka Jamaica fam) made an appearance and almost all had made George shirts. It was amazing!! The outpour of love and support. I could have cried! I luv my fam! We had seen George perform in Jamaica but that was with performance tracks. We had never seen him with his full band. Let me tell ya, he had his FULL band there that night and his show was AMANZING. He also wore his WaYfm Jamaica shirt for us and his whole band wore green and yellow. That was so cool especially as we all lined the front row while he took the stage! He told me the next day that he had never had that much love and support at a show. God is good. Go Jamaica fam! We luv ya George!

Skillet was next up. I had never seen them in concert and prior to this show, they were not my most favorite band... although I really like their song, The Last Night. After seeing them live, my respect for their music has significantly increased and they have definitely become one of my favorite bands. They also have a big heart the Lord as well as for this young generation and reaching out to them. I think I need to get their album!!

Toby Mac. Do I need to say more? I was blown away!! He definitely knows how to put on a phenomenal show. That was my first time ever seeing him in concert. I have a deeper appreciation for this man as he also has a huge heart for the Lord and this generation. Can't wait till he's back in town!!

I have all my pics posted here: My Pics

Here's preview of what you'll find there: