Kicked Out of the Boat

Jamaica... I long to go back. Jamaica... So many life lessons learned from one point in time. Jamaica... A place that taught me so many things about life. How to live. How to love. How to receive love. How to receive hugs and touch w/o pulling away or tensing up. How to have confidence in my beliefs, in myself. Even before we left for Jamaica, our original leader, Mike (who was unable to go w/ us last minute) taught our team one valuable lesson that I am currently living out. He taught us about how to get out of the boat. How to step out in faith. How, by stepping out in faith, real living truly begins as you fly by the seat of your pants as you are SO open and ready to be used by God. When you are open and vulnerable, God can use you in ways you never imagined. But in doing so, one needs to remember this one thing... in order to step out of the boat, you have to keep your eyes on Jesus. Take note, when Peter stepped out of the boat, he kept his eyes on Jesus. The moment he took his eyes off Christ, he sunk. When you step out in faith, don't lose faith for if you take your eyes off Him, you will sink. You cannot do it alone. (thank you George, I needed that reminder).


So what's the story...? Recently, as in this past Friday, I gave up my volunteer work at the radio stations. It was time. While I cannot go into the specifics as to why I left, I CAN tell you why God kicked me out of the boat. The only way I was going to leave WCSG was by God kicking me out. He had been nudging me to go back to school for quite some time and I kept saying, "No, not now. No, not now. I'm just starting to really live and You want me to go back to school? already? I want to get married! I want Mr. Right to walk in, sweep me off my feet into the sunset so we can live happily ever after and start a family. I don't want to go back to school! What are you thinking? No No NO!" It's been almost three years since I graduated from nursing school with my BSN. Mr. Right has not shown up yet. I have not started a family. I am single. I have a house, and I have an awesome job. But, God has kept the thought of going back to school in the back of my mind since I graduated. When I was "done" with school, I really didn't feel like I was done. In my mind, whether I chose to acknowledge it or not, I anticipated that I'd be going back. Now that I'm fairly well established in my nursing career in the NICU, I long for more. I know I can do more. I know I am NOT living at my full potential.

So has begun the quest to think about grad school and what I want to go for. I first thought I'd go for my masters to become an NNP (Neonatal Nurse Practitioner) as that is the unit I am currently working in ~ the NICU. When I awoke this morning, God brought to my mind about becoming a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. He awoke a dream I have had since I first started in the nursing program. My original dream was to become Pediatric Nurse Practitioner which included mission work to orphanages in foreign countries - especially China - to bring medical care to the children. I distinctly remember that poster I made for my very first nursing class of my ultimate dream - a pediatric nurse practitioner - it had pictures of Chinese kids all over it :) That dream still persists to this day and has expanded beyond the borders of the U.S. and China. I long to go anywhere God is leading me. Africa is another place I have a passion to go where the need is so great.

The doors of opportunity will be wide open once I have this degree. I'm SO excited about what God is doing in my life. I am truly loving life again as my dreams are soaring high. This excitement all started when God kicked me out of the boat and I submitted to His will. He has opened my eyes and refurnished the fire to dream BIG again! The world is mine for the taking to GO out and make a difference! ONLY B/C I SAID YES TO HIM. To HIS will. Life gets so much more exciting when you let God take control as He takes you beyond your wildest dreams to fulfill the desires of your heart. Something He alone can do. No one else.

I need to give credit to where credit is due though. First and foremost, to my Heavenly Father for kicking me out of the boat and fanning the flames of the desires of my heart. To Mike... for teaching me such a valuable life lesson. To my friends... Erin, Autumn and Bethany for indirectly motivating me to go back to school. You are all in school or will be going back... so I may as well join ya! To my friend, George for your words of wisdom that you have given me to help keep me grounded in my faith. I love you guys. I couldn't do this without you!

Granted things are always subject to change as I continually seek out His will and come to a full understanding of where He is leading me as I've only been processing this for three days... this is the plan that is going thru my mind right now. I have only just begun the process of searching out where to go for grad school, how to apply, how to get financial help, etc... My goal is to start next fall. I am currently looking at Rush University in Chicago for online courses or U of M and commute as I will continue working in the NICU. In the mean time, I fully intend to live up the life! A couple mission trips, hang out with friends and have just have some FUN!!

God never ceases to amaze me. It's a transition. It's a process. And I'm nervous and I'm scared. But God is good. ...George gave me a gentle reminder... "Keep your eyes on Jesus as you will be amazed at what He does in your life."