Can God Change His Mind?

Would He be God if He couldn't? Can we change God's mind? Didn't Moses change God's mind several (I mean MANY) times when He wanted to wipe the Israelites off the face of the earth after ALL the times they rebelled and turned their backs on God?

If God can change His mind, then can He lead us down one path, but then change our direction entirely and lead us down another path... as if He changed His mind?

My thoughts? Heck yeah, He can. Why not? God is God. There is no sin in Him and there is certainly no sin in changing your mind. There can be more than one right path for your life. It's truly your choice as to which path to go down - it's called free will. God, if you allow Him to, will guide you down the right path but the right path could be a choice as He can truly use you in multiple ways in multiple situations. He's GOD. Why couldn't He? Some of us worry and fret about making the right decisions for our lives. I know do too! What career should I follow? What school should I go to? Or should I even be in school? Where should I live? Who should I call my friends? Why do I worry? It's crazy because in reality, if done for the sole purpose of bringing glory to GOD's Name and not your own, His Name will be glorified in whatever path you choose to go down. He's GOD. He can use you in so many ways wherever you are.

For me, it was a choice of continuing on in grad school or being content as a registered nurse...

I guess my biggest news, if you haven't been up on the rumor mill, is that I'm not in school anymore. I decided to pull out after a month of intense studying and working. I was taking 13 credits and it was putting me over the edge. I attempted to cut back to part time but by then, I had had enough and the passion was just lost. I enjoyed what I was learning and was doing well, but it was so intense. I also really started to re-analyze what a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner (NNP) does, and mas o menos changed my mind about wanting to do that. The biggest thing that was the main deciding factor was that Spectrum Health was no longer hiring NNPs which would mean I would have to move out of state in order to get a job. Add to that a $40,000+ debt in this economy, it just didn't seem wise anymore - especially in Michigan. I'm settled in Michigan. I have an awesome job, along with my house and my family and friends close by. I have no desire to pick up my entire life by myself, leave all my family and friends behind, and start over alone. This world is too lonely and dark for that :( I love my job, my colleagues, the families I work with - especially the babies - as well as the intense A.D.D. environment I work in. Our unit is definitely one of the top and most advanced in the nation. It's amazing to learn how far ahead we are compared to many of the other NICUs!!

You may ask as one of my friends has asked me... What now?

I have no regrets for the path I have taken as so many amazing things happened the two times I was down in Nashville. I honestly believe it was God driven. He used me in the path I had taken and then completely changed my direction - it was a true 180. I am at peace with my path change. I believe God was at the helm of it and still is. My life has slowed way down and I'm enjoying it. I'm delving into God's Word more now than ever. I'm spending time with my family more now than ever. I'm spending real time with my family and friends, loving them and encouraging them in their walks with God - more now than ever. I LOVE this new assignment from God... Is it a cake walk? Definitely not!! There are many times where I wonder, God what are you doing? I'm not used to being "not busy". I need to be doing something, going somewhere... But, He's slowed me down for a reason and I'm learning to enjoy it and use it for His glory.

My work as a registered nurse in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit will continue. My place is at the bedside providing intense care for extremely sick babies. I LOVE working there. I love my colleagues, our docs, NNPs, office staff. I wouldn't trade my job for the world. I have been there since the day I graduated with from college - 3 1/2+ years - and I have no intention to leave. Here's to our neo team - those of you on Facebook and those of you who are not :)

Mission work!! I have a HUGE passion for mission work and caring for the least of these - especially orphans. I am seeking God's guidance and patiently waiting on Him to guide me in this area. It's just a matter of time. There are several areas that I am interested in but am choosing to wait on God's timing, guidance and direction ~ truly the safest place to be is in His arms awaiting His direction and assignment :) I love it when duty calls! It's an honor to be used by Him. His assignments are what make this life truly worth living for - no matter how difficult it is... <3

Life & death. It's part of my job...

You know, going into nursing, I never imagined the things I'd be apart of. Who would have imagined I would be providing care for the smallest patient ever imagined. I've seen a mom give birth to a baby as small as 560 grams (1 lb 4 oz). Her length: from the tip of your fingers to stretching barely beyond your wrist. Her hand being the size of your thumb. I have witnessed the birth of twins, only to bury them a week later as I provided the care they needed from when they were first born to when they passed away. I have witnessed the joys of twins going home with their parents after being born at just over a pound, going home big and chunky four whole months later. I have provided care for the big eight pound term babies being sicker than ever could be, watched them make the big turn around, slowly come off life support, get a good bath, then start taking a bottle to the joys and smiles of their parents. Provided care for them after going through surgery, been on nitric oxide, jet ventilator, ECMO, oscillator. I have provided care for the sickest babies on the unit, but nothing compares to being there when parents mourn the loss of a child after witnessing a full code on their own baby. Nothing compares to that especially when it's unexpected. I could see it on their faces. Our team had worked as one to save this baby. It was not easy and no one wanted to give up, but it eventually it comes to that point. Why? Why do babies have to die? It just doesn't seem fair.

Our team is a real team. We stand together as one. We work side by side supporting each other as we fight for each baby's life. It's not an easy battle and we take it very seriously. The faces of everyone involved in the case mentioned above... heartbroken. The mood for the rest of the day... downtrodden... as we carried each other's burdens supporting each other as we could. Our hearts had been ripped out of our chests for these parents, this family, as we cried out asking, "Why do babies have to suffer? Why do bad things happen to good people?" I just don't get it...

But as tough as it gets in the NICU world, I absolutely love my job, our team, the parents, the families, the babies. I love the intensity. The A.D.D. environment. Makes me think extremely critically. Always on top of my game. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's more than just feeding, changing diapers and rocking babies. Oh, so much more. If you ever get a chance to step into the NICU - try it some time - it'll change the way you look at the world. It's pretty amazing.

A Moment I Will Never Forget... A moment with God & Chris Tomlin

Did you ever have an experience that seemed to be totally random? Out of the blue almost. You then look back later and realize it was from God? A moment He taught you something... A revelation.

I had such a moment about two weeks ago. I called up my good friend / adopted dad, Chris Lemke, to see if he was ready to head out to dinner that night. We both happened to be in Nashville at the same time, and we had planned ahead of time to do dinner together. He said, "Hold on, let me call you back." A few minutes later, he calls me back and says, "I"m on this street." I reply, "What's the cross street?" "Um... Hang on, let me talk to someone. You aren't too far from me b/c apparently I'm near Vanderbilt. Just start heading towards the right." "Ok. Let me get away from the hospital first." We hang up, then calls me back again and tells me the cross street. I'm like, "I just turned right onto that street! In fact, I see you now." "Oh ok..." We hang up, I pick him up at a light and we make another right. Chris is like, "I just came from a CD release party / platinum / gold album party for Chris Tomlin, and if you want, park here and I bet you can get a CD." I'm thinking inside my mind, "Heck, yeah!" I hadn't seen Chris Tomlin since GMA. I was more than geeked to see him at his very own private party, but if you know anything about me, I keep my feelings fairly internalized.

I manage to parallel park (with a lot of readjustments) and we head inside to an old church turned recording studio. You would never guess this was a recording studio from the outside. First impressions, this place is gorgeous! The first person Chris L introduces me to is Matt Maher, who is a songwriter, and writes music with Chris T. Very cool guy. I honestly didn't realize who he was till Chris L told me later.

I then looked up and saw Chris Tomlin on the stage getting his pic taken for a photoshoot of him and several people that helped him with his album. Chris L and I then move towards the stage, and the control room of the studio. I could see a full size grand piano in an adjacent room. He told me that this is one of the most expensive recording studios with one of the largest soundboards in the world. That board was HUGE. I'd say about 8-10 feet long. This studio was gorgeous!

We then went down from the stage, off to the side to watch Chris Tomlin do his photo shoot. Eventually Chris T's dad, mom, two brothers, sister-in-law and nephew get up there with him for a pic. I said to Chris L, "Where's his wife and kids?" Chris replied, "He's still single." What?! Serious?" The guy is so good looking and well established in a good music career, how could he be single?! "He told me he doesn't have time for a relationship," Chris said. WOW. I persisted to ask Chris more questions about him. I said, "When I talked with him at GMA for about 10 minutes, he was kind of hard to talk with and engage in conversation. Is this because he's not interested or...?" "He's on the quieter side and tends to be shy." "Ah. I see." Chris Tomlin glanced my way several times, probably wondering who the heck I was and what I was doing at his little private party. I kind of doubt he remembers me from GMA, but who knows! Very sweet guy though.

I am still in shock that Chris is single! What an inspiration. Chris L said he was going to introduce me to him, but it never happened. We walked right by him, but Chris L kept walking. I was kind of bummed but then thought, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

In looking back, I realized how random that moment in time really was. A divine appointment. God revealed to me the great things he can do through single people. It was Him telling me to chill out and relax... "Enjoy this life and all that I can do through you! Look what I have done through Chris Tomlin to glorify my Name, to bring people closer to Me. I can do that through you if you let Me." Chris L told me of Chris T's travels around the world. I remember the mission trips Chris Tomlin had told me that he'd been on when I talked to him back in April. God has used and is using this man to make a huge impact on this world for Christ.

It was a moment I will never forget. It was special. It was divine. God was there, I could sense His presence. It was a moment meant to be. I didn't ask for it. It happened. It was directed by God. I treasure this moment, and the album I received on my way out. Chris Tomlin's latest album, Hello Love. This album is incredible. I received an advance copy - before it hit the streets the very next week.

Although, I hope my prince charming sweeps me off my feet some day in the near distant future, this moment revealed to me that a season of singleness or even a lifetime of singleness is something to be treasured. God can use me in ways that He could not otherwise. Chris Tomlin is 34 years old. I am 25. A 9 year gap, but a gap that gives me hope that God has big dreams and plans for my life. Only He knows the plans He has for me. I lay my trust, heart and head in His arms of love and peace. <3

Life in Nashville

Lovin' Nashville, lovin' Vanderbilt, gettin' overwhelmed with school, gettin' stressed out with school... I know it's what I want to do, but there is so much to do between here and there. 11 months. That's all it is. Truly 11 months and one more board exam. The professors are great. They're fun and understanding yet still demand excellence. I would recommend this school to anyone. Joined a new team... My class of 30ish all studying to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. We're all in it together. The ups, the downs, the tears, the pulling out the hair wondering how it'll all get done. We'll get through it together. We are from all over the east side of the States. Mainly South, but a few stragglers from the north - yes, I'm one of the stragglers ;) I'm the furthest one from the north with the next being Illinois. The rest are from Tennessee, Missouri, Kentucky, Louisiana - who's family is being evacuated right now d/t the hurricane :( - , North Carolina, Florida, Georgia & Texas. Great group of people. I'm lovin' the southern hospitality for sure!! People down here are so much nicer than people in the north. Why is that?

In spite of their niceness, they still deal with the issues we do... I see the homeless people walking down the streets of Nashville. The drunk man who serenaded me last night while I was trying to study... The Vanderbilt professor who was killed within the last week in the east side of Nashville along with his sister... Shot point blank. And I happen to be staying on that end of town. I saw he TV helicopter circling around about 5-7 miles just south of me. Now that was scary. These issues don't disappear when you go to another town that you may think to be more fun than your own. When I was here back in April, the homeless were roaming the streets. They seemed to know "the Christians" were around b/c of the Gospel Music Association conference that was going on at the time of which I attended... They were closer to the Renaissance where we stayed - more so than what seemed normal. How many of us Christians walk by them everyday? How many times do we drive by them? Being a single girl by myself in Nashville right now, it's difficult to know how to help them. I couldn't do much for the drunk man last night b/c first, he wouldn't remember me anyway. Second, b/c I'm female and it's not exactly safe to do so. So what do we do? How do we be Jesus to these people? If I had an answer, I would surely give it to you, but I don't. Do you?

On the flip side, this town is SO much fun! Yes, those of you who have been to Nashville know there is so much more to do here than in Grand Rapids. The town, the sites, the people, the football games - both the Titans and college ball. The shows in the bars every night. The shows being put on in clubs all over the place. The shows at the auditoriums. TobyMac coming to town in December :) It's very hard to get bored here.

So are you starting to think I'm just partying over here? HA! Not so fast. I'm studying my behind off. Delving head first into anything and everything neonatal! So interesting, yet so overwhelming to cram it all into 11 months. I haven't been back to school for three years! I love this field of study though. It's detailed and I HAVE to be on top of my game at all times... for the littlest of patients are in my palms of my hands... as I think back to the one pound three ounce baby I admitted to the NICU just three weeks ago...

All credit is turned back to God. I take none for it. He alone has full control of ALL. He is the reason I why I make it through each and everyday!

All right, back to the books. Headed to downtown Nashville to study. Much more fun over there! Hope I can find a parking spot ;)

Have you ever cried so hard that it hurt?

Last night after I got home from a show, I broke down and cried so hard to the point of my head hurting. I was crying from the depths of my heart. It hurt so bad. I have not cried like that in so long. I honestly couldn't exactly figure out the real reason for the tears. Initially, I thought it was one thing but then realized it to be another. In reality, it was pent up emotions. Emotions that I had suppressed for quite some time.

Have you ever cried just to release it all? It's healthy to. I was literally crying out. It hurt so bad. My head, my heart. I woke up feeling like I had a hangover, even though I have never touched alcohol in my life. Some may think it's depression, and I know I had a depressed day today, which is not my norm. It took a while to recover, but I have and am...

I had a conversation last night with a good friend that brought out something that needed to be dealt with. I was upset with a situation and someone in particular that I was choosing to be cynical and catty about. It's not right ,and God finally called me out on it and made me deal with it. It was time to truly open up and clear the air. My friend now knows what the real situation was. It was a good dad / daughter like talk, and this conversation brought these thoughts, emotions and pain back to the surface. I had suppressed them for so long and was trying to forget them, that after we talked, they came right up. I couldn't handle it anymore.

That was just part of the tears. That convo put me over my limit as the stress and change happening in my life right now hit a peak. I'm seriously scared about starting school next week. I'm excited but scared to death. So much is changing. Will I be able to do it all? School, work, homework, clinical hours? Where's the money coming from? My social life will come to a halt for a year... Will my friends understand and stick around? Or will they run? Will I ever find Mr. Right? Do I really have to be patient? Do I have to wait on Your timing? Can You tell I'm freaking out? You know I like control!!

That's my problem... I like to be in control. I want to know what and when things are going to happen before they happen. I'm a thinker. I think 5-7 steps ahead of myself. But God's timing is perfect. He makes me wait. He knows I like to be in control and know what's going to happen. He knows so well that He in fact does reveal to me what's going to happen. Thing is, He doesn't tell me when! Which makes me kind of impatient...

No matter how crazed I feel, I know His ways are better than mine. His timing is better than mine. He's teaching me how to trust in Him. I love following Him and His leading. His ways are truly perfect. He has placed dreams and passions in my heart and soul that I'm just waiting on His timing for them to happen. It's so exciting!!

He works all things out for the good of those who love Him and keep His commands. Thank You, Abba Father. I belong to You. I trust Your timing, love and guidance. I trust Your heart. Wrap Your arms around me and just hold me for "I'm shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?" (Rich Mullins).

Living Out My Dreams for Such a Time as This

It's going to happen. I'm going for it. I'm living out one of my wildest dreams (I have several more that are in the making right now!). The last week of August is almost here. The homework assignments are starting to roll in but you know what? I'M LOVING IT!! "I thought you were done with school," some might be saying. I thought so too. After I graduated with my bachelors of nursing three and half years ago, my mom excitedly said to me, "You're done forever with school!" But, I knew in the back of my mind that I wasn't done. Even though I fought it for three years, I knew I wanted to go back. I want to learn so much more about the neonate. It fascinates me (about as much fascination as I have about the end times).

And where am I going? To Nashville! Vanderbilt University to be exact. Don't get me wrong, I'm not moving there as the entire program is online BUT I do get to go down there six times for the year long program. YES!! My first trip down for classes and orientation is the last week of this month and it's for a whole week! I'm soooo excited!! And I have a few friends down there that I hope to connect with which will be suhweet to see them. Can you tell I'm missin' Nashville right now? I went down there back in April with several really good friends and had SO much fun. Chris (aka. my adopted dad), Beth, Jordan, and George. One of the best trips I've ever been on. LOVE YOU GUYS!!

What am I going to school for? My masters degree to become a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. I almost didn't make it b/c I almost quit when I realized how in depth study the GREs were. I never want to see that test EVER again. Ugh...

God never ceases to amaze me though. He has put the right people in my life at just the right time to encourage and support me to go for my dreams. He has also widely opened the doors of opportunity to make a difference in this world. Through my career as an RN in the Neonatal ICU, through cross-cultural mission trips, through my family and friends, through my beloved Bible study group, and in my very own neighborhood. I love people and being with them. I love listening to them and helping them in life. Loving people is one of my biggest passions in life. Christ needs to be first as I follow His leading...

Following Christ is one of the best ways to live b/c I've been on so many wild and crazy trips lately... but you know what? That's what makes life SO much fun! When Christ is living in and through you, you are truly living life to the fullest as He takes you on wild and crazy rides to impact a world in need of a Saviour.

Stay tuned... More to come! (...wow, I miss blogging... more can be found here: www.WaY.fm/connect/missons)

Stepping Out Of Our COMFORT ZONE @ Modern Skate Park

Last night, five of us (from the WaYfm mission team) decided to step out of our comfort, but four of us actually made it out on the floor :) Josh, Dana & Tom, and I all have an interest in rollerblading and trying new things. Last night, we decided to try out a skate park. The destination? Modern Skate Park. Prior to going, I was more than geeked about the idea of hitting up a skate park as I LOVE to rollerblade. In fact, Josh and I had talked online about it for about an hour the night before.

Fast forward to last night... We got to the skate park wide-eyed and full of excitement as we endeavored on this new adventure (with Autumn threatening us if we broke a bone or seriously injured ourselves as we all have key roles on the mission team). We suited up in full body armor (well, knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards and helmets - just to be safe), then strapped on our skates and headed for the ramps, half pipes and spine. Josh was the first out. I soon followed and quickly discovered that I had NO IDEA what I was doing. Having never done this before but coming with the skill of rollerblading on pavement, I thought I could adjust... Ha! Not so fast. This skate park was a world of its own. I looked around and all I saw were teen guys on skateboards and one or two in "boots" (as one teen called them - aka rollerblades). I quickly felt out of place, very much intimidated and almost ready to give up and leave as I was so out of my comfort zone...

To give you some perspective as many of you are teens - all four of us are in our mid-twenties and we have NEVER done this before. We've bladed before, but not at a skate park. We were surrounded by teen guys that had mucho experience at the half pipes, bowl and ramp. We came with NONE. We were very much out of our comfort zone. In fact, Dana and I were the only two girls out there. Not a female to be found ANYWHERE. But you know what? When I wanted to quit and run from embarassment, Josh was quick to say, "You did great!" "Good job!" "You look better." That kept me going. After our first hour out there and falling many times - funny, it doesn't hurt much to fall - we took a water break. I was ready to quit, but the guys headed back out for more "fun" and falling, while Dana, Autumn (our fearless cheerleader) and I sat and chatted for a bit. I thought I was done... Not so fast! Next thing I know, Dana asked me, "Ready to head back out?" I was thinking, "Are you crazy?! I am horrible at this!" But after a second thought and remembering I had paid $14 to do this, I agreed to venture out once more. We decided to try the small half pipe and spine (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you'll see it in the video). And you know what?! We managed to conquer it! After falling several times, we learned to get over our embarassment as even the more experienced guys were falling. We realized we were amateurs, accepted it and were determined to accomplish the task at hand to the best of our ability. AND we succeeded! Josh even managed to survive the HUGE half pipe as you'll see at the end of the video...

So without further adieu, here is our accomplishment (with music credits to George Moss for allowing us to use one of my personal favorites from his album, All Or Nothing, "It Feels Good") Enjoy! ...

Intro with real time audio...

 

Conquering the BIG half pipe with real time audio...

Without the encouragement and support of my team, I would have quit after five minutes.  But we chose to step out of our comfort zone, try something new, encourage each other when we got discouraged, and accomplish the task at hand.  We even managed to befriend a couple of the guys as they taught us a thing or two :)

And that, my friend, is what we will be doing in Honduras.  We will be completely out of our comfort zone, in another culture, speaking the "wrong" language as most of us only know English.   In Honduras, all we will have are each other for support and encouragement when the going gets rough.  But if we can survive a skate park on this side of the border, just imagine what God has in store for our team on the OTHER side of the border as we serve in His Name the children in Honduras.

That is our challenge to you... 

Take a chance to help a friend, to try something new or to do something God has called you to do, therefore STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE to make a difference for CHRIST.